Journey to Love: Never Too Old For Love
by sissouthernink1994
Summary: People like me don't find love. Fear kept me from even trying. I thought I was too old for love, but I have discovered that love doesn't age; we do. It's true you know, what the Bible says? Love really is patient. I'm so glad love waited for me.
1. Intro

**Journey Intro:** The Journey to Love can be a fun and enlightening one. It's one filled with plenty of turns and detours. Road signs are misinterpreted, if seen at all. Road maps are useless. No one knows the exact directions nor can anyone give advice on how to get there. No one knows exactly how it looks because everyone arrives at a different destination at different times. You'll just know when you arrive. But who's to say the travel plans won't change once you get there? Remain open to the journey. Sometimes it's the best part of the trip.

**Branch Summary: **I always thought love for people like me couldn't be found. Fear kept me from finding the love I wanted. I thought I was too old for love, but I have discovered that love doesn't age; we do. Like the Bible says, love really is patient. Love waited for me, and I'm glad it did.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters.

**Warning:** This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

**A/N:** The frame for this fic happens after the Season 4 Finale. It is a story about Saul Holden and how his nephew and nephew-in-law try to help him find a companion. The season ended with Saul finding out via Facebook that an old friend had passed away from AIDS. Kevin and Scotty ask if he had ever been tested and he had not. Finally, he is tested. He gets his results while sitting with his sister Nora and lies to her about it. However, the truth comes out after the accident on the highway when Kevin, bleeding from minor injuries comes to see if he is all right. Saul is bleeding and tells Kevin "Stop. Don't touch me." Nora also is a witness to this.

Also in this fic, Robert is fine. I don't know what the powers that be at ABC have planned for this character, but I like Robert and Kitty and since this is _my_ fic, Robert is alive and well. We'll just have to wait until September to see what happened.

Reviews are wanted and welcomed.


	2. The Plan

**Branch Summary: **I always thought love for people like me couldn't be found. Fear kept me from finding the love I wanted. I thought I was too old for love, but I have discovered that love doesn't age; we do. Like the Bible says, love really is patient. Love waited for me, and I'm glad it did.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters.

**Warning:** This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

Chapter 1: The Plan

"Mmmm, a little to the left please."

"Here?" Kevin Walker asked his husband Scotty, as he gave him a back rub on his lower back.

"Oh, yes. Right there." His sighed as the massage took away the worries of his day. "No matter how many fatigue mats I stand on, at the end of the super busy days it doesn't seem to help."

"Well, you do know some back pain actually comes from the feet. Let me try a foot and see what happens." He began to massage Scotty's left foot and Scotty immediately noticed a difference.

"If you decide to give up law again, you could become a masseur."

"A masseur? You do realize I'm sort of a germ-a-phobe right? Looking at hairy, pimply backs and sweaty feet are not appealing to me. Besides," he said leaning over to kiss the back of Scotty's neck, "I only like giving _you_ massages."

"Why? Because my back isn't hairy or pimply?" He asked, turning over to face Kevin.

"Well, yeah. And, because I love you _**and**_ I know I will get one in return one day." Scotty smiled and kissed his husband. He sat up and moved closer to where Kevin was propping himself up on the pillows.

"So how was your day?" He asked as he leaned against his husband's chest.

"Crazy. I'm going need a new assistant soon. Catherine screwed up all my appointments today. She lost the files the prosecutors sent over for the trial next month. Tyler found them, thank God. She was sharing client/lawyer privileged info between clients and then lost all my messages after lunch."

"Why not hire Tyler? He sounds like he knows the office pretty well."

"I wish I could. But he's only part time because he's still in school. He works most of his hours on Saturday. I'm gonna check with HR tomorrow and see what that suggest." He took a sip of his water. "By the way, thank you for taking Uncle Saul to his appointment today. How did things go?"

"Pretty good actually."

"I wish I could have been there. I made a promise that I would."

"And you will be. He knew you were at work. He's not having much nausea from the meds anymore."

"That's good."

"Very good. It means he's able to keep more food down and get his weight up a little. You would've been proud; he brought his list of questions."

"Did he? I was hoping that he would. Were there a lot of them?"

"Quite a few. But the doctor was patient with him and answered everything."

"Good. How are his therapy sessions going?"  
"He said they seem to be helping. He thinks he's ready to come out to your grandmother." Kevin laughed.

"He assumes she doesn't know."

"Does she?" Scotty asked, looking at Kevin.

"I'm sure she does; he's her only son. He's been on this earth almost 72 years and no marriages or kids? She has to know. Now if the Alzhimer's made her forget that's a different story."

"He has a little paranoia of sharp objects at the moment. Which is understandable. So he's steering clear of the kitchen and bar as much as possible."

"So what is he doing?"

"Hosting and taking reservations mostly. Means one less person we have to pay. The other thing he says that's hanging him up is the guilt of waiting for so long."

"Waiting for wait?"

"To find love and get tested for HIV."

"Well, he's not too old for either. We've proved one already."

"How do we get him to see the other?"

"We'll have to find him someone."

"Like he'll agree to put a profile up on a website."

"We can keep that as a last resort. I'm sure between the two us and maybe Kitty and Sarah, we can come up with a list of guys he could take a look at. Even if it's just someone to go to the movies with."

"You think he'll go with it?"

"We can ask him Sunday at dinner. And it's not like these guys will be complete strangers. We know them all." Kevin said, yawning. "Lights out?"

"Yeah, lights out." Scotty leaned over to kiss Kevin. "Night baby."

"Night hun."

* * *

Sunday Dinner at Nora's

"Scotty, thank you so much for that recipe. It tasted so much better than I remembered."

"You're welcome. I did adjust one or two things. It's amazing how little it takes to change a recipe."

"I know." While they were setting up for dessert, Kevin went to his sisters to ask for a little help on his and Scotty's project.

"Sure. What is it?" asked Kitty.

"Scotty and I are on the search to find Uncle Saul a companion."

"Really?" Sarah asked, interest peaked.

"This sounds interesting." Rebecca chimed it.

"What this sounds like is me going to watch the game." Justin said, kissing his wife and walking towards the den.

"Us too." Robert said, lifting Evan out of his high chair and following. "Come on Evan, let's watch some baseball." The little boy giggled as his dad tickled him.

"Me three." Tommy stated as he hurried out of the room. Luc just kind of sat there, not really wanting to watch the game.

"Maybe I can help too?" Luc said. "I've met a few gay men."

"Really?" Sarah asked. "I didn't know that."

"I didn't tell you because they tried to hit on me. But there are a few male co-workers who are gay and single."

"The more the merrier." Kevin said.

"Well, sounds like it's just us."Kitty said. "So what are we basing this on?"

"We thought we'd start by making a list of single gay guys we know. We'll ask him his preferences and narrow it down from there."

"Cool. Gimmie paper." Sarah said, making "gimmie motions" with her hands.

"I don't really know any gay guys, except the three of you."

"You can make the preference list." He passed her some paper and she began making a list. He was handing Kitty and Luc some paper as Nora, Scotty and Saul walked into the dining room.

"Where are all the guys?"

"Watching the game." The all chimed in together.

"Evan too huh? Well, I'll just take their desserts to them then." She placed eight of the desserts on the table and took the rest to the den.

"So what's going on here?" Saul asked as he sat down with his dessert.

"Oh, just a little project Scotty and I are working on and the girls and Luc have decided to help."

"Good. What's it called?"

"Operation Companion for Saul." Scotty hesitantly said. Everyone held their breath to wait for Saul's reaction.

"Operation Companion for Saul? What is this? You guys think I can't get a date?"

"No," Kevin said. "We never said you couldn't. But you don't. And we'd just like to change it."

"Nah, I'm too old for love. Just let it be."

"Uncle Saul, no one's too old for love. Look at mom. She's had at least three boyfriends since dad died, right?" Sarah asked.

"Two and a half." Nora corrected as she walked back in.

"See?" Sarah said.

"Yeah, and even your mother has found a nice gentleman at the village. They have dinner every night and play Bingo twice a week." Kitty pointed out.

"But she's not in love with him."

"She doesn't have to be Uncle Saul. The point is for you not to be alone. It's about sharing your life with someone."

"What are we doing?" Nora asked.

"Operation Companion for Saul. Seems my nieces, nephew and nephew-in-law and Luc think I need a companion."

"What a wonderful idea! Who thought of it?"

"Kevin and Scotty." Rebecca said.

"Good for you guys. So how do we start? Which website are we using?"

"Oh no! No websites." Saul exclaimed. "I think they're all nonsense."

"We figured as much. Everybody's making a list of single, gay guys. We'll get your preferences and narrow down the list from there." Scotty said.

"Sounds good." Nora said, grabbing a piece of paper.

"Rebecca's our recorder since she doesn't know any." Kevin said. He looked at his uncle. "Ready?"

Saul sighed, not sure about the idea. Not sure he wanted everyone in his business like that. He was just getting used to the idea of truly being out of the closet. It had just been a few years since he came out to Kevin, with his help. He was also just getting used to his new HIV status. He looked up at his family, all of them in various stages of writing and dessert. _Maybe this won't be __**so**__ bad. Surely, they wouldn't put someone they didn't trust on the list, _he thought.

"Ok, let's try it."

"Good." Kevin and Scotty both smiled, glad that he was open to the idea. "Everyone got their lists? I think Scotty and I are sharing. We'll start with basics. What's the age range you would like to date in?" Saul thought.

"Above 30. No, wait even 30 is too young. Is 20 years younger too young?"

"Going for the cougar style huh?" Sarah teased.

"That would make him at least 50." Rebecca stated.

"Ok, we'll try between ages 50 and 70." Rebecca wrote it down.

"Physical preferences. What do want him to look like?" Scotty asked.

"My height to 6 ft., I guess. I don't think I have a choice of eye or hair color."

"Any particular build? Slim, athletic, muscular?"

"Is healthy is choice?" He asked.

"We can go with healthy." Kevin said. "Ethnicity, religion and language."

"I would say Jewish, but I haven't been a steady participant in a long time. I think I would prefer someone who spoke English as a main language. But if he knew multiple languages, that would be nice. Romantic even. No preference to race."

"Occupation?"

"Working?" they laughed. "Non sex industry though."

"Now your likes and dislikes?" Kevin asked.

"I like jazz, musicals, classical music. Reading, crosswords, museums, cooking. I enjoy the symphony. Going to the park, boating. Talking is good." He paused. "I don't have too many dislikes I guess. No heavy metal or rap music. Maybe I should add country to that list. I'd like someone who is kind, gentle, respectful, respectable, compassionate, caring, and loving. A gentleman. Intelligent. Educated. Patient, very patient. I'm going through a lot of changes right now and patient man would be good. I don't need someone who is arrogant, stubborn, narrow minded." He paused as everyone was looking at their lists. "I want someone masculine. Maybe he should like chess and board games? I don't know. I guess it all come down to chemistry."

"True. And you're better off doing it this way. How many guys to you think will admit that they are really feminine and arrogant on their profiles? Not many, I'm guessing." Scotty said.

"Any other questions?"

"I think this is a start. We can start narrowing down the lists now." Everyone started marking names off as Saul stepped into the kitchen to get the sweet tea to refill everyone's glasses.

"Well, I am left with one person and a possible maybe." Sarah said.

"How many did you begin with?" Saul asked.

"Eight."

"My list is zero from four."Luc said.

"I'm down to one from five." Kitty said.

"Two from twelve." Nora stated. Everyone looked at Kevin and Scotty as they were still crossing off names. "Your turn guys."

"Well, we had two lists. And we're checking of some guys just on general principle." Kevin said.

"Uh, how many did you start with?" Rebecca asked.

"Thirty-five." Scotty said.

"You know that many single gay guys?" Saul asked.

"Single? Between the two of us, yes." He replied.

"So how far down has the list gone?" Sarah asked.

"Four."

"So that's eight dates, maybe nine for you Saul. Not bad." Nora said to her brother.

"Eight maybe nine times, to repeat the same information."

"The dates can be spread out. It's not like you have to go on all eight in a week's time." Scotty said.

"Yeah, and we may still narrow down our list. We have one person we think would be really good for you. We think you'd hit off pretty well. So maybe we'll arrange his date last."

"Who is it? Do I know him?" Nora asked.

"Yes. Oh shoot, I didn't think that maybe our lists might overlap. We know so many people." Kevin said.

"Well, if we have him both in common that might be a good sign right? What's his name?"

"Russell Daniels."

"Now, I'm down to a maybe." Sarah said.

"Oops, he was my one." Kitty said.

"And one of my two." Nora said.

"Sounds like he's a popular guy with all of you. What's the deal?"

"He was my only one in the age range, about to turn 55." Kitty said.

"He was my only one the height range." Sarah said.

"We picked him because he's a music professor. He plays piano- jazz and classical. Sometimes he plays with the symphony." Kevin said.

"And he was on my list because of the music thing and I happen to know he is educated and patient." Nora said. Saul nodded as his family gave their reasons.

"I guess, I will be meeting Professor Russell Daniels then. Who wants to call and set it up?"

"I think Kevin and Scotty should. It was their idea."

"Ok," Scotty said. "I'll call him tomorrow and see when he is available. What would you like to do when you go out?"

"I guess lunch or dinner would be a great way to get to know him."

"If he's available this Saturday, would you go?"

"Sure. If you can get someone to be the host."

"Yeah, we got the new part-time hostess. I'm sure she wouldn't mind the extra hours."

"Ok. So I'm assuming everyone picking Russell is a good thing?"

"Very good." Nora said.

"Ok. I'm looking forward to meeting him."


	3. Getting Ready

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters.

**Warning:** This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

**A/N**: A bit of angst towards the end.

Chapter 2: Getting Ready

Mondays at the restaurant were business days. This was when Scotty and Saul did payroll, weekly reconciles, paid bills and conducted inventory. The laundry was usually picked up on Monday's and the larger food order was delivered. This was the day that the restaurant had a weekly super cleaning- the ice machine to keep out the mold, the floors had a super scrub, fatigue mats cleaned, etc.

Saul was checking in the food order while Scotty was waiting for the weekly reports to print out. He decided it was a good time to call Russell. Maybe he could catch him between lessons.

"Hello?"

"Hey Russell, its Scotty. How are you?"

"I'm great Scotty and you? And Kevin?"

"We're both good, thanks. I didn't disturb you or anything, did I?"

"No I had a student cancel her lesson because she's sick so I'm actually having lunch a little early today. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I have a question for you then."

"Go ahead."

"Are you seeing someone right now?"

"I wish. No dates, no prospects. Why? Do you have someone in mind?"

"Actually I do. He's Kevin's uncle and my business partner in the restaurant. His name is Saul Holden."

"Ok, tell me about him."

"He's a little older than you. He'll be 72 on August 11th. He's a very kind and loving person. He loves music, jazz especially. He's a lot of fun. He hasn't been in very many relationships but he wants to be."

"How would you describe him physically?"

"He's about 5'8, 5'9. Slim build, grey hair, he has a beard. Brown eyes, wears glasses. Very handsome."

"And you think he and I will hit it off?"

"Yes. Well, me and Kevin and Nora, Kitty and Sarah."

"The whole family huh?"

"Yep. He seems to think that he's too old for love, but I think we've convinced him to give it a real try this time. And even if you guys choose to remain friends, he can't say that he didn't really try." Russell thought about it.

"Ok, so when can I meet him?"

"Are you free on Saturday? You guys can meet for lunch."

"Sure, Saturday's great. Any particular place?"

"Kevin and I were thinking _La Bouna Cucina. _It's an Italian place by the marina we've been to. You could sit on the patio and watch the boats."

"Sounds good. Noon a good time?"

"Sounds good to me. We'll make sure he's there."

"You're sure he's going to be good for me? 'Cause you know at my age there are still people who play games."

"He's perfect for you. Trust me."

"Ok, Scotty. I'll meet your Uncle Saul Saturday at noon."

"You won't regret it." They said their goodbyes and Scotty immediately sent Kevin a text to let him know the date was on. A few minutes later Saul walked into the office with the twice-checked food order invoices. Scotty had a huge smile on his face.

"Are you and Kevin sexting again?" He asked.

"No, but you've given me an idea for later. I was just on the phone with Russell and he is very excited to meet you. How about this Saturday at _La Bouna Cucina_ at noon?"

"Already? I guess that will be good. Now I have a whole week to obsess over this date."

"Uncle Saul, why would you obsess over it? You'll meet him and everything will be fine."

"It's been a long time since I've been on a real date. And a blind one at that. You know I don't have much experience with relationships."

"You just be yourself. Russell wants to meet a real, true genuine gentleman just like you do. It'll be fine. Kevin and I will even come over and help you find something to wear."

"Ah, something else to obsess over."

* * *

The week had gone by pretty quickly. Saul had an early day on Friday. A company had booked the restaurant for a business meeting. They didn't usually do business meetings or breakfast but they were for this company. And were going to be paid well. Scotty had asked Saul to be there with the two associate chefs as he and Kevin were accompanying their surrogate mother to a very important doctor's appointment. Scotty would be in after lunch and work late. He made sure he built in an hour or so to help Saul find something impressive to wear for Russell.

The breakfast meeting had gone very well, with the supervisors promising to have one once a month there. _Nothing like repeat business_, Saul thought. Lunch was really busy. Word was getting around about them and they were glad. There was no doubt that dinner would be anything less. Saul had gone home with aching feet and a splitting headache. He wasn't sure if it was from the restaurant being so busy or anxiety over his date with Russell. At any rate, took his HIV meds, ate a snack and took something for his headache. He had been asleep for almost two hours when his ringing phone shook him out of his dream.

"Hello?"The greeting was very groggy.

"Uncle Saul, its Kevin and Scotty. Were you asleep?"

"Yea, I guess I was."

"No wonder you didn't hear the buzz. We're downstairs, can you buzz us up?"

"Ok." He hung up the phone, went to the intercom and buzzed them in. He made a quick run to the bathroom while they rode the elevator. As he came out Kevin and Scotty knocked on the door.

"Hey Uncle Saul. You look like you had a good nap."

"I started out watching TV. I guess it ended up watching me instead." They laughed.

"Kitty said she was going to meet us here." Just then, the intercom buzzed. "That's probably her." And it was. Saul buzzed her up and left his apartment door open for her. She entered all smiles and happy for her uncle.

"Hey guys. So Uncle Saul you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." They all walked into his bedroom and he opened his closet door.

"So what were you thinking about wearing?" Kitty asked. He pointed to the clothes hanging on the outside of the door. "This?" It was a white button down shirt and a pair of black trousers. Scotty shook his head.

"What? I think it's simple and clean cut."

"Uncle Saul, you'll look like one of the wait staff." Scotty said. "Let's try something else."

"Do you guys think suit?" Kitty said.

"Maybe." Kevin said, looking through his uncle's suits.

"Nah, I think it's too formal for lunch." Scotty replied.

"How about shirt, pants and jacket. No tie."Kevin suggested. Kitty and Scotty mulled it over.

"I say no jacket." Scotty said. Saul sat at the foot of his bed, watching them pull clothes out for him to wear.

"What kind of gay man am I that I don't really have the fashion sense to find clothes for a date but am fine picking clothes for the office?" Saul asked.

"You're not really trying to impress anyone at the office. Anyway, Ojai didn't really have a strict dress code. It was pretty much casual wear all the time."Kevin said.

"Let's keep the white shirt. It's classic and pick two others to choose from." Kitty said.

"You have a favorite shirt Uncle Saul?"

"I like the blue one Kevin's holding." He places it on the bed next to the white one. "I like the grey one two, shirts over and the green one next to it." Kevin placed those on the bed.

"Ok, they all will go with the black pants. Let's try some other colors pants." They picked out four pairs of pants- tan, brown, grey, and beige so light they almost looked white.

"Ok, fellas. What do you think?" Kitty asked. Scotty and Kevin looked and pondered.

"I like green shirt, brown pants." Scotty said.

"I'm thinking blue shirt, grey pants." Kevin said.

"I like green shirt, black pants." Kitty said.

"Two votes for green." Saul said. "Now about the pants." Scotty hung the green shirt up on the door with the brown pants behind it. They all looked. He then placed the black pants behind it.

"Brown pants." Kevin said.

"Definitely." Kitty agreed. Scotty nodded. Kitty started looking for a brown belt. She found three. Saul picked one and put it through the belt loops.

"Shoes." Scotty said. Saul showed them his brown shoes and they picked the pair that closely matched his pants. "And socks." Oddly enough, Saul had a brown pair of socks with green leaves on them that matched the shirt.

"Still think no tie?" Saul asked. Scotty was rethinking it. He searched through Saul's ties and found a few with green accents; one with green and brown stripes, one with a paisley design and one with green and brown diamonds. He chose the one with the diamonds and placed it around the neck of the shirt. They all stepped back and looked at what they had chosen. Kitty took a picture and sent it to Sarah and Rebecca for their opinions.

"What do you think?" Kevin asked Saul.

"I think I like it. But will it make a good impression on Russell?"

"I think it will. It's gentlemanly. You're a gentleman, he's a gentleman and you're going to have a great time at lunch."Scotty said. Kitty's phone started playing the chorus from "Lady Marmalade" by LaBelle, the "Hey Sister, Soul Sister" part.

"What in the world?" Scotty asked laughing.

"It's my ring tone for Sarah. Hey Sarah." She said answering. "What do you think of the outfit? Yes, we like the green shirt too. Sarah really likes the tie." She said to them. "Mmhmm. Ok, I'll tell him. Thanks Sarah." She hung up as a text came through from Rebecca. "Rebecca and Justin are at the movies but she says they both like it. Sarah said to remember to be yourself and not nervous. Russell will enjoy who you are. I agree."

"I know but I can't help but be nervous. I'm not good at this." He said, in a worried tone.

"If all goes as we wish, it will be the last time you'll ever have to go on a blind date." Scotty said smiling. Saul smiled too. As nervous as he was, he secretly hoped that he and Russell hit it off as well. Scotty looked at his watch. "I need to get back to the restaurant. You'll be fine Uncle Saul, I promise. Once you two start talking it will seem like you've always known each other."

"I think so too." Kevin said. "And there's no way we would have set you up on a date if we didn't think it was worth it." He and Scotty walked towards the door. "I'm meeting with some new clients tomorrow morning but I promise I will call and find out how everything went."

"And you know mom will want every single detail too." Kitty said. "But you can wait 'til dinner Sunday to tell her."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she showed up at the restaurant to spy on us." Saul mused. They laughed. They all hugged him and wished him fun on his date with Russell and lots of details.

* * *

That night as he lay in his bed, his eyes kept going over the chosen outfit hanging on his closet door. He was really trying to calm his nerves. From what he gathered from his family Russell was quite a handsome man. He was extremely talented and well spoken. Scotty had said tonight that he was a gentleman, which meant that he was respectful. Something he desperately needed in a man. Something he needed in a relationship period.

He thought about his early life and his sexual adventures as he now calls them. There were no relationships, mainly relations. He had a few "friends with benefits", men who didn't really want love or relationships. They just wanted to release sexual tension and have a little fun. For so long that's all Saul thought the gay lifestyle could really afford him.

When he turned 18 in the August of 1956, he was a man unsure of his sexuality. He would pass so many handsome and cute men on the street and on campus but he dare not try to ask someone out. It just wasn't acceptable. Every once in a while, a man could hear about a secret club, a house or place a gay man could go to have a little fun. But that was all that was available. Release of sexual tension. No one could afford to have themselves outed.

He wanted love. He wanted to find what his sister had with William and his parents and grandparents. But with a man? He would have been locked up and put away as a sexual deviant. He never could figure out why wanting to be in love with a man would be a crime equaled to that of a coward raping a woman or a real sick freak molesting a child. He wasn't anything like that. He just wanted to be free to love and be loved.

Fear. Fear kept him from knowing the difference between a kiss of lustful sexual passion and one filled with love. Fear kept him from knowing gentle caresses from making love. Fear made sure his life was filled with anonymous encounters, a life of secrets. Encounters when he would start kissing a man and within 15-20 minutes, his pants and underwear would be at his knees or ankles. He would bury himself inside that man or that man would be buried inside him. Or said man's mouth would be bobbing up and down between his legs, causing Saul to explode in his mouth. Most dates, if any, ended up with sex. If there was a second, it was mostly sex. He couldn't see himself in love even though it was what he wanted most. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought of the love he still wanted and needed.

Fear is powerful, and paralyzing. Fear went both ways. It made people say, do, and think things that weren't fair to say, do and think. It made people call him names, made people think he was nasty, a freak, a child molester, a sexual deviant. Fear made people not want to talk to him, not want to be around him. Therefore, fear kept him to himself and secret encounters. He felt if no one knew, his parents wouldn't be ashamed. His sister wouldn't be frowned upon. He would be seen as the upstanding citizen that he actually was. Someone had once called him a whore and a slut. Well at one point in his life, he felt like that. He accepted the name; that's what he was. And a sneaky one at that. Just out for the one night stand, no names, no feelings, no condoms. Sex in alleys, in cars, bathrooms, parks and beaches after dark. He wanted love, but fear kept him from changing his life.

_Who wants a whore as a lover? Whores only care about themselves, no one else. That's all I did. I wanted the sex cure too afraid to look for the love cure. And look what it's gotten me? I'm almost 72 years old, never been in love, never been loved by anyone outside of family. Never experienced falling in love. __**And**__ I'm HIV positive. My punishment- no my consequences for living a whorish lifestyle. For not taking care of myself, for not keeping condoms with me even after the 80s and hearing about AIDS. They even called it the gay man's disease. What in the world made me think I would be immune to this? What_ _made me think that the life I lived wouldn't catch up with me? What made me think it? I'm not invincible. __**I'm NOT!**_

His tears flowed hot with anger, anger at himself for being so foolish. Anger for not standing up for himself and what he wanted. Anger for being so afraid. He was glad no one was there to see him sobbing. They would tell him it wasn't his fault, but it was. He was the one who slept with all those men. And it changed him. It was evident when he was dating Henry. Since Saul had never really dated, never really had a relationship, he was clueless about what to do. He didn't know how to be a boyfriend, boy toy, yes but not a boyfriend.

Henry wasn't much help. He could have been more patient with Saul. Saul often asked himself if he thought Henry really tried. The answer never came. All this before he really admitted that he was gay. Sure, he lived a gay sex lifestyle, but not a gay life. Saul have never grasped that being gay was about more than sex. It was about love, it was about marriage and commitments to be life long partners. It was about raising families, paying bills, sharing responsibilities. It was overwhelming for him and Henry had the good sense to recognize that. It was the least he could do. But he couldn't be the one to teach Saul. He couldn't.

And just when he thought he didn't have a positive image of gay life, Scotty walked into Kevin's life. Even though their start was rocky, they found their way to each other. What he did learn from them was that their love was no different than that of Nora and William's or Sarah and Joe's. There were difficulties, compromises, and disagreements, agreements to disagreements, sharing and love. Even when Sarah and Joe divorced the bond of love was still there in the form of their children.

Saul wiped the tears from his cheeks with some tissue from his bedside. He hadn't gotten mad with himself before, not like that. He needed to get that out. If he still harbored the self-anger, the self-hatred then he couldn't be open to love. He couldn't be open to what Russell could possibly bring. He was on the way to being healed. The beginning of the healing was getting the anger out, accepting the responsibility for and the consequences of his actions. He was beginning to forgive himself. This was the hardest part of the healing. To forgive himself of everything he did to promote his selfish needs agenda, everything to deny himself of goodness and love in his life and allowing fear to overtake him.

_Watching Kevin and Scotty made me want to believe in love again. They made me want to find love again. They made me see that it is possible for me. As old as I am, I have a chance at love. I want it. I want to be loved and I want to love someone with my whole heart. I want to love them with all I am. I don't know how the HIV will play into it, but I want to love. I want to love! Maybe I can find this with Russell. I don't want to get my hopes up. But what if? What __**if**__? What if he's the __**one**__?_

Saul laid his glasses on the nightstand and turned off the lamp. He let the music from the stereo finally begin to soothe his mind. The soulful sounds of Luther Vandross's "Any Love" caressed his ears as he fell asleep, expressing exactly what he wanted, any love.

Verse 1

I speak to myself sometimes and I say "Oh my

In a lot of ways you're a lucky guy

Now all you need is a chance to try any love."

In my heart there's a need to shout

Dyin', screamin', crying let me out

Are all those feelings that want to touch any love?

What a world for the lonely guy

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna lose my mind

Can anybody tell me just where to find any love?

Chorus:

Everyone needs a love no doubt

Any love, Any love

Everyone feels alone without

Any love, Any love

I know there's a love waiting

To enter my life, enter my life

Verse 2

Every day as I live

I try to think positive

I pray for someone good to come

Any love

Love is sweet and so divine

And I can't wait for my love life to shine

Can anybody tell me where I can find

Any love, Any love?

Chorus:

Everyone needs a love no doubt

Any love, Any love

Everyone feels alone without

Any love, Any love

I know there's someone waiting for me

To enter my life, enter my life

Bridge

Suddenly out of the clear blue sky

Lonely tears start to fill my eyes

I can weep but I refuse to cry

I've got to keep very strong

To keep holding on

Chorus:

Everyone needs a love no doubt

Any love, Any love

Everyone feels alone without

Any love, Any love

I know there's a love waiting

To enter my life, enter my life

* * *

**A/N2**: I didn't know Luther was going to make an appearance until the end. Didn't plan that one. Wanna know something else that was weird? I didn't have to enter Ojai into the MS Word dictionary. Not sure what it means but MS Word says its ok.


	4. Russell

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters.

**Warning:** This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

**A/N:** For this chapter Saul's thoughts are in italics and Russell's in italic bold.

Chapter 3: Russell

Saul stood nervously in the seating area of _La Bouna Cucina_ while waiting for Russell to arrive. He was standing because 1: he was too nervous to sit and 2: he thought no matter how well he was dressed, if he paced the area anymore, someone would think he was trying to rob the place. He was dressed in the outfit his niece and nephews had chosen. He at least felt confident in that. In his shirt pocket was a pretty, fresh blue orchid.

Nora had called him that morning to reassure him that meeting Russell was a great thing. He asked her if he should bring flowers. He thought it would seem like a nice gesture. Welcoming, calming- an icebreaker to say the least. She told him she thought Russell's favorite flower was a blue orchid. But she couldn't be sure. So Saul only bought one, just in case it was the wrong one. The flower was resting in his pocket for fear the fragile gift would wilt in the warmth of his nervous hands.

He wished that someone had had a current picture of Russell so he could recognize him when he walked through the door. But no one did._ Oh well, I guess I'll just have to be pleasantly surprised then_. _Emphasis on pleasantly, _he thought_._ Saul was facing the window looking out at the marina so he didn't see Russell enter the restaurant. Russell paused as he noticed a well-dressed man whose gray hair was turning white in places. He wore glasses and had a slightly worried look on his handsome face. He hoped that this lovely gentleman standing there was waiting for him. _**Here goes**_, he thought. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the window.

"Saul?" Russell asked softly. "Saul Holden?" Saul turned around to face the voice that called his name. As he did, he was nearly speechless at the sight of gorgeous man standing in front of him.

"Ye…Yes?" He stammered.

"Hi, I'm Russell Daniels." He said, extending his hand for Saul to shake. Saul shook his hand and was at a standstill for a moment. He was overwhelmed at the sight of this African-American man. He looked as if he could have been Broadway star Brian Stokes Mitchell's twin brother. His skin was flawless, glowing and the color of honey. His soft, curly black hair was graying a little at the temples. Beautiful brown eyes smiled at him. The extended hand was attached to an arm that was attached to broad shoulders. The baritone voice, distinct and not booming was delightful to Saul's ears.

"Hi…uh…I'm…Sa… Saul Holden." _Why am I stuttering? What is wrong with me?_ Saul smiled and then realized that he was still holding on to Russell's hand. He embarrassingly but disappointingly, let go. "I'm sorry for stuttering and staring. I'm not usually like that. It's just…it's just when my family said you were attractive, they didn't say how much." _Pleasantly surprised indeed._

"Same here. Scotty described you as handsome and everyone else said you were cute. I'm so glad that their words don't even come close to the vision before my eyes right now." Saul could feel himself blush under his beard. He looked down smiling and remembered the flower in his pocket.

"Oh, this is for you. Nora thought it was your favorite but she couldn't remember." He handed him the orchid and noticed that he had a purple peony in his pocket.

"It most certainly is. Thank you. That sister of yours is something else, isn't she?" He said, shaking his head at disbelief in Nora's antics. He replaced Saul's welcome gift in his shirt pocket with the orchid. "This," he said, sliding the peony in Saul's shirt pocket "is for you."

"My favorite. Thank you, it's beautiful. She got us both huh?" They chuckled a bit. "I forgot to even ask how you were doing today."

"Much better now that we've met."He replied, smiling lovingly.

"Me too." Russell couldn't help but notice the gentleness emanating from Saul's voice. His demeanor was so intelligent, shy, sexy and strong all at the same time. Saul's lips were a little pouty and so kissable and Russell loved the way he was dressed. This man was more than handsome, he was positively beautiful! _**Now I'm the one who's staring**__, _Russell thought.

"Shall we see if our table is ready?" Russell asked, offering his arm for Saul to take so he could be escorted to their table.

"Yes." He said proudly taking Russell's offer.

* * *

The host showed them to their table outside on the patio. The ceiling fans above assisted the gentle breezes floating from the marina. Their waitress immediately came to the table and offered them the wine list as she filled their water glasses.

"Saul?"

"Oh, no wine for me thanks. It has a weird reaction to some of the medicine I'm taking right now. I don't mind if you do."

"Well, I don't want to drink alone so maybe I'll have a sweet tea?"

"Sounds great; make it two please." The waitress replaced their wine list with the food menu and proceeded with the daily specials. She left to get the house salad, tea and bread for the table.

"Have you been here before?' Saul asked, scanning the menu.

"No, first time. You?"

"No, but Kevin and Scotty have. I was trying to remember what they said they had." He thought a few seconds. "Oh well, it's not coming to me. What do you think you want to try?"

"I think the Chicken Milanese sound good. So does the Chicken Marsala. What about you?"

"I'm between the Chicken Cranberry Risotto and the Beef and Mushroom Risotto. When Scotty and I were researching risottos for the restaurant, there were so many recipes that we came across but we just didn't like them. We even tried some from other places."

"So what did you decide on?"

"We have a seafood, plain mushroom, and creamy chicken. Three types of lemon- plain, chicken and shrimp."

"Sounds good. I'll have to try it out one day."

"Wednesday evenings are a good time. I mean we have customers but it's not a waiting room like on other days."Saul went back to his menu and Russell couldn't take his eyes off him. The waitress bringing their drinks, bread and salad interrupted his view. The garlic aroma tickled their noses.

"I hope the garlic taste isn't as strong as it smells. I like it but too much isn't good for conversations."Russell commented.

"It's not good for kissing either. But it's very good for the heart. Justin says if both parties eat garlic then it cancels out. His medical opinion, I guess. I don't know." _**He mentioned kissing. Hmm, interesting. Wait, am I blushing? I never blush. **_The waitress asked for their orders. Saul ordered the Beef and Mushroom Risotto and Russell the Chicken Marsala. As she took the menus, Saul noticed that Russell was staring and that he quickly averted his eyes.

"Russell, are you ok?"

"Yes. I was always told it was impolite to stare, but I can't help it. I can't stop staring at you. You have a very lovely smile." Saul smiled and blushed again.

"Thank you."

"So how is it that you aren't in a relationship right now? I can't see any man in his right mind resisting you, not wanting to get to know you."

"Ah, now there's an explanation I haven't thought of. Men not in their right minds. Well, it's a long story actually. Not sure it's entirely appropriate for a first date though."

"I'm a great listener." Russell replied. Just then, Saul's reminder alarm on his phone vibrated that it was time to take his meds. He took his small travel pill bottle out of his pocket and took his meds with a few sips of water. He would have preferred to take them with the tea, but they work best with milk or water. He also would have preferred to take them when Russell wasn't looking. "If your sinuses are bothering you we could have gotten a table inside." Russell said, thinking that it was the reason Saul didn't want any wine.

"Oh, no my sinuses are fine." _Ok, maybe I should just get it over with. He's gonna know eventually. _He sighed. "Um…I don't know if Scotty or Nora told you this, but uh…few months ago I was diagnosed HIV positive. And the medicine regiment I'm on right now doesn't allow for alcohol. I think in a month or so, I can have two glasses of wine a week." Saul held his breath, trying to read Russell's face. _Maybe he will finish the date just to be polite. Maybe he won't call. Maybe he'll get upset with everyone for setting him up with someone who is HIV positive._ Without realizing it, Saul was nervously tapping his fingers on the table. Russell reached out, took Saul's worried hands in his own, and stilled them.

"Are you taking care of yourself?" He asked with serious compassion in his voice, face and heart.

"Yes. I'm finding easier ways to remind myself to take my meds. They don't make me so nauseous anymore. Eating a snack or meal helps a lot too."

"Good." He replied, holding Saul's hands a little tighter. "Because I don't want you getting sick before you learn to live with it well._ Or _before we get to know each other." It was then Saul noticed that his hands were in Russell's.

"This doesn't scare you away?"

"No. Should it?" Saul shrugged.

"I…I…don't know. I didn't know how you would feel about it."

"It doesn't bother me as long as you are taking care of yourself. If you're not then you and I will have a problem." Saul smiled.

"OK. I really didn't plan to talk about this on the first date though."

"I don't mind. It's a part of who you are, your reality. And we are supposed to be getting to know one another right?"

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

"I'm glad you told me though. It means you trust me to know the biggest thing in your life right now."

"Your status?"

"Negative. I get tested every three months. Before every semester, we have to submit a physical report. I'm all set for the fall semester." He could see the concern in Saul's face. He brought Saul's hands to his lips and kissed them in reassurance. "It's gonna take a lot more than HIV to scare me away from getting to know you." Saul smiled a little. "And if it's for us to cross **those** bridges, we will when we get to them, ok?" Saul's cheeks pinked a little at the fact that Russell knew he was already thinking about future intimacies and safety precautions. "Now how about some salad before our food arrives?"

"Sure." He replied, as he took the plate of salad Russell offered.

* * *

As they were eating the salad, Russell wondered how Saul became HIV positive. He wondered if it was a former lover, crazy lifestyle, horrible accident. But he couldn't see Saul making one night stands a regular part of his life; he was going to reject that line of thinking until Saul proved it to him. Maybe Saul would tell him what happened, one day.

"I used to hate first dates because they were such a question and answer chore. But I've grown to appreciate them because I'm learning how to be better at it." Saul stated.

"And how else are you going to get to know the person if you don't ask?"

"Right. So let me ask you this. How is it that you know a big chunk of my family and we've never met?" Russell chuckled.

"Our paths have crossed, but I don't think we were ever introduced to each other. And we were probably in relationships, so there may not have been a reason for us to meet. I do remember seeing you at William's funeral though. You were sitting with Nora, trying to comfort her."

"You must have come to the house while I wasn't there. I definitely would have remembered you."Saul stated.

"I probably did."

"I wonder where else we were together and didn't know each other."

"I was at Robert and Kitty's wedding. I've been to several parties at Ojai. I've been to charity events hosted by Nora and Ojai. I've even played a few of them. Quite a few actually. I was at Kevin and Scotty's wedding."

"Really?" He was shocked. "How did I miss you there?"

"There were a lot of gay men there."

"Yeah, but none that looked like you." Russell smiled at the compliment.

"You were probably running around being the father figure for Kevin."

"Probably. Did you meet Kitty or Robert first?"

"Actually, I met Robert's brother Jason. I quickly discovered that a friendship would work better for us. He introduced me to Robert while he was campaigning. Robert needed some background music for TV and radio commercials. He didn't want to pay extra money for the music licenses. So I wrote a few little jazz ditties and recorded the tracks in my home studio."

"That was you?"

"Yep. He liked my playing so much that sometimes he would hire the band I had at the time to play functions, fundraisers mostly. Kitty would come and talk with us or sit with us when she got tired of listening to all the politicians. I remained friends with them. Jason, not so much."

"I didn't date Jason but Scotty did and from what I understand it made the relationship he was trying to start with Kevin a little rocky."

"He and I fell out a few years ago. He wasn't a very trustworthy person. He did some terrible, disrespectful things regarding some close friends of mine and I felt I didn't need him in my life."

"We rarely see him and I'm not even sure Robert trusts him that much anymore either." Just then, the waitress brought their orders and refilled their tea glasses. Russell tried his Chicken Marsala and offered some to Saul to try.

"I met William and Nora a long time ago. I think it was 1980. I was playing with a jazz band that was hired to pay an Ojai Christmas Party. I had been out of grad school for a year and was a working musician. I was really trying to decide if I wanted a doctorate degree. I had a teaching degree but I didn't go right into teaching. I guess I wasn't really ready."

"So why get a teaching degree?" Saul asked, enjoying his risotto.

"Because it's a noble profession and so many of my family members were educators. I felt like I had to. At least I could choose what I wanted to study. I meet the Superintendent of the Pasadena City Schools at that party and he told me of a summer jazz camp program that they had received a grant for but didn't have enough to get a big name jazz celebrity to be an artist in residence. He liked my playing and asked if I wanted to be a part. I said yes. That was summer of '81. Ojai was a private funder. They provided food for the camp, lots of fruit.

Nora came once a week. Usually on Sundays and sometimes all five kids would be in tow. We had concerts on Sunday afternoons. The parents were invited to come and listen to their children's progress. I wonder if the program is still going on."

"When did you last work with it?"

"1991 I think. '92 was the summer I spent playing jazz in Italy."

"You've been to Italy? I hear it's such a beautiful country."

"You worked for a wine company and you've never been to Italy? Oh Saul, you'll have to go. I saw so many breathtaking places, met some amazing people, and had some awesome food. One of the best experiences in my life."

"I've always wanted to go."

"Maybe we'll go sometime." _We? Did he just say "we"? _Saul felt butterflies in releasing his heart. This date was going better than he thought.

"You've known all of my nieces and nephews pretty much all of their lives, huh?"

"I guess so. Well, only Justin was a baby. I think Sarah and Kitty were teens then. Before the end of the summer, the superintendent hired me as a high school band director. I was in charge of the jazz band, spring symphonic band and teaching music theory. I enjoyed working with the kids. But after 10 years, I wanted to teach on a college level. So I applied to University of Southern California Los Angeles. I was applying to be a class piano professor but after they saw my doctorate and jazz experience they offered me the Professor of Jazz Piano position that wasn't even posted yet. I've been there ever since."

"You really like it?"

"Wouldn't trade it for the world. I get to be around jazz everyday- playing, teaching, listening. Our chair of department is retiring after the spring semester and I hear I may be up for the promotion."

"Sounds awesome."

"I know it looks good on the resume and it's an impressive conversation starter, but I don't think I'd have much time to teach. I prefer playing to paperwork. So I'll have to think carefully if it's offered to me."

"I can understand."

"Did you enjoy working at Ojai?"

"For the most part." He said taking a sip of his tea. "I wish we didn't have to close it but eventually it was unavoidable. I had been away from it for a while, but it was my life. You know they said you should never work with family, but we seemed to all be ok. Sure, we argued but we didn't fall apart. The hardest time besides closing it was all the mess with Tommy." Russell nodded.

"I wonder how come I never saw you when I was there. Was you office near Sarah's?"

"No, closer to William's. When were you there?"

"Sarah always asked if I could provide music for the ads. Sometimes she won out during arguments with the ad department and I would get to provide music from my studio. That's one of the reasons I still got to play there, band or no band. She was always trying to convince them that I was a less expensive but more quality alternative." Saul laughed at that.

"We probably passed each other in the halls. Just like we have been all along."

"Probably so." Russell replied.

They continued their lunch, laughing and talking about all the times they were probably in the same room and never paid attention to each other. Their waitress noticed that they were finished and she brought out one of the restaurant's famous desserts, _Chiedo Lampone_. Translation- raspberry wonder.

"Excuse me Miss, we didn't order this." Saul said. The waitress placed a note on the table.

"Courtesy of the couple sitting just inside the window." She said. Russell looked at the note.

"Let's see what it says. 'Nice to see two of our favorite people about to fall in love. Enjoy dessert and each other. Tomas and Carlos Rojas.'"

"Do you know a Tomas and Carlos Rojas?"

"Yes, they own the Gallery on the Lane."

"Yeah, on Ocean Foot Hills." Russell nodded. "This Disney song used to get on my nerves but it's proving true for us, it's a small world after all." They both laughed. Saul turned to find the two men sitting in the window and he and Russell waved in thanks. The couple nodded that they were welcome. _**So, they see**_ _**something we haven't discovered yet. Very interesting.**_ It was so unexpected. Saul handed Russell a spoon.

"Shall we?" They each tasted a spoonful of the dessert. The outside was a sweet but not too sweet puff pastry creation. Raspberries surrounded the base of the pastry. Those that spilled from the top were swimming in a sweet, smooth raspberry vanilla sauce. The dessert was dusted in powdered sugar. Underneath they assumed that it was filled with whipped cream or custard of some kind.

"Oh my god. Is that white chocolate I taste?" Russell asked. Saul nodded.

"Mmm, oh yes mixed with the raspberry sauce, a little caramel and toffee."

"This is too thick to be custard or cream." Saul tasted again and knew the familiar taste. "I can't quite place it."

"Cheesecake. White chocolate and toffee caramel cheesecake topped with sweet raspberries. This is beyond genius." He said, cherishing the flavor. "I'm gonna have to play around with this recipe and see if I can recreate it."

"This is amazing. I've never had anything so good." Each spoonful was just as delicious as the first. Their faces fell in disappointment as they finished the awesome dessert. Saul sipped his water to cut some of the lingering sweetness. Soon the waitress came back to check on them. Russell asked for the bill and reached in his pocket for his wallet.

"Oh no sir. Your lunch has been taken care of."

"Really?" Saul asked.

"First we get free dessert and now free lunch. Who paid for it?" Russell inquired.

"I believe the gentlemen who made the reservations."

"Gentlemen. More than one?"Saul asked.

"Yes sir. There were two of them. They requested that I be your waitress for today." They looked at each other and said together,

"Kevin and Scotty."

"Well can you at least show us the bill so we can leave a proper tip? You've been most excellent." Russell asked.

"No, sir my tip has already been taken care of. Nothing for you two to do but enjoy your lunch."

"We did, thank you."

"Shall I refresh your tea or water?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine." Saul stated.

"So am I am."

"If you need anything else, please let me know." She smiled and continued to her other tables.

"What shall we do now? I'm not ready to go back home yet. I'm enjoying myself too much." Saul said.

"How about a stroll in the park? It's just down the street. We can drive down there and walk to the docks, maybe sit under a shady tree." Russell suggested.

"I think that's a great idea. I want to go to the men's room first."

"So do I."

* * *

Saul stood in front of his car as he waited for Russell to find a parking place. The breezes were still pleasant but he was getting warm so he rolled up his sleeves a little. As Russell approached where he was standing, he noticed that they both still had their flowers in their shirt pockets. Saul didn't want his to wilt in the car before he got it home. He was guessing Russell felt the same.

"I'm so glad it's a nice day out." Russell said.

"Me too. I never liked heavy summer rain storms." The men observed the other people enjoying the park that day. There were several afternoon boat parties going on. Children playing, families on picnics, couples walking hand in hand.

"Which dock shall we walk to?" Saul looked around at the three docks.

"Down to the right?" Russell nodded in agreement and they started walking. As they started, their hands bumped and without thinking about it, one set of fingers sought the other and held on. Russell glanced at Saul to see if holding hands was ok and Saul's smile told him it was. They walked to the dock talking about anything and everything. They were observing people and talked of possibly making plans to attend the fireworks spectacular on July 4th.

"I've never seen it."

"Oh you have to. There really isn't a bad place to see them here. We watched from the parking lot one year. That was about as far as we got in the park. But the best way to see them is by boat, dock, or the picnic area further down there." He said pointing to his right.

"Well, I'm not playing with the symphony this 4th so we should definitely make plans to be here." He leaned his back against the railings of the wooden dock, rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie. "It's warmer than I thought it would be."

"It's just the sun." Saul said, leaning the opposite direction on the railings so he could see the boats and small yachts on the water. "Maybe I'll have enough money for a boat one day."

"You really want one?" Russell asked. He turned to see what Saul was looking at.

"Doesn't everybody?" He chuckled. "It's a status thing I guess. I'd probably have to hire a driver. I don't really want to drive, I just want to be on it."

"Maybe you should rent one and see what you think."

"Maybe."

Saul loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. Kevin and Scotty would probably have a fit if they saw him do this. The warmth of the sun and the breeze extended the scent of Saul's cologne. If he and Russell had hugged then he would have been able to smell it. But now he could. Russell leaned a little closer and took a deep breath, cherishing the scent. Saul felt the presence and looked to his left, smiling. He wasn't sure what he was feeling but he liked it. He liked being that close to Russell. _I guess feels the same. I wonder what he's thinking._

"Penny for your thoughts?" Saul asked.

"I was just admiring the scent of your cologne."

"Right. You must be thinking about more than that."

"Busted." He chuckled. "Ok, if you really want to know..."

"I do." Saul said, turning to face him.

"I was just wondering what kind of man you want and need in your life."

"I keep wondering that myself. I've never really been in a relationship before so I'm not sure. Kevin and Scotty made me make of list of likes and dislikes but I'm not sure if that's the same thing."

"So, there is a part of this conversation that is probably part of what you thought was inappropriate for a first date huh?" Saul winced.

"Yeah. But you need to know. It's a lot to take in at one time though. I can tell you that I've never had a boyfriend before. I've dated, tried to date, but never had a relationship with a man." This really caught Russell's attention.

"May I ask why?"Saul shrugged, trying to think of a good answer.

"Lots of reasons. I didn't always lead the life of man who wanted to be loved. I mean deep down I did, but my actions didn't show it and being HIV positive has shown me that I basically wasted lot of time. I'm just hoping that it's not too late for me to find love. Prince Charming probably has Alzheimer's and forgot all about me."

"If there is a Prince Charming for you, who is he? What do you need him to be for you right now? Not you a few years ago, but you right now and in the future." Saul thought about what he had told his family.

"I need him to be patient. I've been through a lot of changes in the past few months and I know there are more to come. I need him to be patient and flexible. I need him to be kind, caring, loving, and a gentleman. He has to be respectful. A compassionate man. Intelligent, open-minded." As he spoke, Russell got the feeling that Saul had been hurt and that he hurt himself most of all.

"Is that all?" He asked, taking Saul's hand in his.

"I mean I could always add good looking, great kisser and great in bed but that kind of got me in the situation I'm in." He meant it as a joke, but regretted it as soon as he said. He didn't want to talk about his past so soon. And it showed on his face. He turned his face as tears welled up in his eyes. He had just realized that about his life and had yet to forgive himself.

"Saul?" Russell spoke softly, trying to get Saul to look at him again. "Is this how you became positive?" He nodded as the tears silently fell and his stomach started to knot.

"I used to sleep around a lot and had a lot of one night stands. Many unprotected. I was young and stupid and now I'm paying for it. I've just recently come to terms with it." He said softly through his tears. "I'm still trying to forgive myself for my actions. Much easier said than done." He sighed and thought. "You know, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I'm not as ready to date as I thought. I'm sorry Russell." He turned to leave but Russell was still holding his hand.

"Saul, wait. Please look at me." He pleaded. "I meant what I said a while ago. You being HIV positive doesn't scare me off. Neither does your past. Everything in our past had made us who we are now and our present determines our future." He stepped closer to Saul, putting his hands on Saul's waist. "And here's another Disney analogy for you. Remember when Rafiki hit Simba on the head with his stick?" Saul nodded. "He asked Rafiki why did he hit him and he replied, doesn't matter, it's in the past. You can either run from your past or learn from it. And when Rafiki swung again, Simba ducked. He learned from it." He turned Saul around so that he was facing him. "You've been running long enough. You are finally brave enough to want something different in your life. So stop running and accept this new thing."

Russell brought his hands up to Saul's face and slowly began to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Brown compassionate eyes met teary brown sad ones behind glass. _**How can I reassure him that I'm ok with who he is now? To help him forget the hurtful past and encourage a wonderful future?**_ Suddenly he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Saul's, capturing the bottom one as they kissed. Saul pulled away surprised and not sure what to think. Russell moved his hands from Saul's face to let them rest on his waist. _He kissed me! Oh my god, he kissed me!_

Saul wanted to say something, tried to say something but couldn't. So he did the only thing he could think of to do: kiss Russell back. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Russell's. As his eyes closed, he felt himself being pulled closer to the man as their kiss deepened. Tongues asked for permission and it was granted. This kiss was sensual and yearning yet filled with understanding and compassion. Saul had never felt this way before. His heart was fluttering and his stomach began to unknot. Through Russell's embrace, he could tell that he was serious about what he said, how he felt. Saul's past did not matter to him; only the present and what they could do to shape their future.

Russell reluctantly pulled away for air and looked at Saul. He was still at a loss for words. All he could do was rest his head on Russell's shoulder and embrace him. Russell didn't mind the embrace, he welcomed it. _**I hope he understands just how serious I am. My heart feels a connection to him that I've never felt with any other man, no matter how long we were together. What is it? Is this love and first sight?**_

* * *

**A/N2:** I don't know if this dessert is a real dessert. It just sounded good as I was writing this. The name is Italian for raspberry wonder, according to Google Translator anyway. If you speak Italian and know otherwise, please let me know and I will change it. However, if I can find a real recipe like this or even close, I will let you know.


	5. An Evening Together

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters.

**Warning:** This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

**A/N:** For this chapter (and maybe the remainder of the story) Saul's thoughts are in _italics_ and Russell's in _**italic bold**_. Thanks so much for those of you who have been reading so far. I hope it hasn't disappointed. If you want a different story about Saul and Russell, you should check out stardiva's "Sweet tea, Orchids and Old Fashioned Love." She liked my character Russell so much she asked if she could borrow him. The story has a great beginning so far. You can find it in my fave's list.

I also wanted to give you a little more info on who I based Dr. Russell Daniels on. I have a music degree, I watch all things music, and I got hooked on watching Brian Stokes Mitchell quite a few years ago. So if you want to see what Russell looks like, please Google Brian Stokes Mitchell. You may have even seen something that he was in- "Ruby's Bucket of Blood" with Angela Bassett. He was on a couple shows in the last season of "Ugly Betty." He played an old boyfriend of Willamina's (sp?) and countless other things. He really does have an awesome baritone voice.

As always, please review if you care to. Thanks.

Chapter 4: An Evening Together

Russell still embraced Saul, both men a little too shocked to move. Saul could feel gentle calming strokes on his back as Russell tried to comfort him. Soon his tears stilled and he looked up at Russell, not wanting to claim this moment of weakness. Russell just smiled.

"Saul, are you ok?" His voice was gentle and filled with concern.

"I can't believe what just happened. I never intended to cry in front of you. Never done that on a date ever." Saul paused. "I never expected to be kissed by you."

"I couldn't help it. I couldn't think of another way to make you understand. I'm ok with your past and who you are now. I want to get to know you and I hope you want to get to know me too."

"I do. I never thought I'd find someone who would even want to try and get to know me after knowing my status and my past. It's more than I could have hoped for. Thank you." He leaned in and kissed Russell softly. They both smiled.

"Come on; let's get out of the sun for a little bit." They walked away from the dock and found a bench under a large tree. They could still easily see the boats and feel the breeze. They sat facing each other, playing "footise" with their fingers.

"So what are you doing this summer since school is out?"

"I'm actually teaching summer school. No book classes, all piano. I teach a regular piano class three times a week, private lessons for six grad students and lessons for eight high school students. I don't have time to teach many outside students so I do a bulk of teaching for them in the summer and I try to leave two afternoons a week where I can teach them during the year."

"Are the high school students any good?"

"Oh yes. I have one who is a natural. She is better than some of the grad students I've heard. I want her to go to Julliard, but she wants to stay here."

"You'd send her somewhere else? Why?"

"Better instructions, different instructions. We have a great program and I'm a pretty good instructor, but she needs the prestige and discipline of Julliard. A different environment will do wonders for her self-esteem."

"Wonder how many of teachers care about her like that?"

"Not many I'm guessing."

They continued talking and without realizing it, they were no longer facing each other. They were facing the same way and Saul was on his way to being nestled in Russell's arms. His back was very close to leaning against Russell's chest. And at one point, he did lean against him. Russell's arms instinctively enclosed Saul's waist so he could feel him breath and they were holding hands. _**This is real trust**_. As they were talking Russell's phone rang. It was a new phone that he hadn't perfected using yet and answered it accidently by speakerphone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Russell."

"Hi Elise. I'm sorry I've got you on speaker. Still trying to figure this phone out. How are you?"

"I've had better days. But don't apologize to me; I'm the one interrupting your date with a phone call. How are things going by the way?"

"Saul and I are having a great time." They smiled at each other.

"Hi Saul, I'm Dr. Elise Panders-Sanders. I'm sorry I'm butting in."

"It's ok Elise."Saul replied.

"What's going on with you?" Russell asked.

"I've just been called into work. Dr. Avalon had a family emergency and had to rush to San Bernardino so I have to cover his 24-hour on call shift."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope his family is ok."

"So do I. He doesn't take loss well. Anyway, Ella and I had tickets to the Symphony Gala Ball tonight and she refuses to go with anyone else but me. So I have two tickets if you and Saul are interesting in going, you can have them."

"What's the program?" Russell asked.

"Kings of Swing Big band tribute. They've added Cab Calloway, Count Basie and Louis Jordan this year. And I think there's a Lena Horne tribute." Saul smiled.

"You can't see it but Saul is all smiles here. How much are the tickets?"

"Don't worry about it. I owe you a favor, remember? Besides, I've got to find something big to make this up to my sister. Since I won't be off until after three tomorrow, she's coming to watch the kids while Greg is at rehearsal with you in the morning."

"Are you sure Elise? I know those tickets weren't cheap or easy to come by."

"Russell, don't worry about it. So what do you say?" Russell looked at Saul.

"I loved to go." He said.

"Ok, that's a yes for both of us."

"Good, I'm not far from your house now. I'll drop them in the mailbox."

"When's start time?"

"I think 7:30. It's black tie. And the tickets will get you into the party afterwards. Get there early, you know how traffic is."

"Yes, I do. Thank you so much Elise. And maybe Saul and I can think of a way for you to make this up to Ella."

"Please do. I could definitely use an idea."

"Thank you Elise. I look forward to meeting you sometime."

"Me too Saul. Enjoy your evening fellas."

"Thank you, we will. Bye." She hung up the phone.

"Wow, symphony tickets. I've haven't been in a long time." Saul said.

"Why not?"

"Nothing I really wanted to see I guess. I'm looking forward to this Lena Horne tribute."

"Me too."

"What time will you need to pick me up?"Russell looked at this watch.

"At least 6 p.m. It's almost three now."

"So should we go home now and get ready?"

"Probably so. Then we could leave a little earlier and maybe avoid traffic."

"What time do you want me to be ready?"

"Between 5:45 and 6?"

"Let me give you my numbers and address so you can pick me up." He programmed them into Russell's phone. "When you come into the lobby, I'll have to buzz you up."

"Ok. While, I'm thinking about it, let me give you all my numbers and address." He programmed them into Saul's phone. "What kind of ring tone do you want?"

"I don't know. Your phone, you choose. I don't even know what I'd pick for you. I might have to download something special for you." Saul said, getting up. Russell followed and walked Saul to his car.

"I'm glad Elise called. I never would have thought of us going to the Symphony tonight. And I can't wait to see you in a tux." This made Saul blush. "I bet you look really cute."

"Cute huh?" They both laughed.

"I mean cute in a sophisticated kind of way."

"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see won't you?"

"Yes, I will. I know you won't disappoint." He leaned in to kiss Saul. "I'll see you later?"

"Definitely later." Russell watched him drive off and as he started his car, he made a call.

"Hey Kathleen, its Russell… Are you still open? Good. I need a dozen of what I bought this morning…Yeah; I'm on my way now. Thanks." And he drove off.

* * *

As Saul entered his apartment, he immediately checked his phone for messages. There was one from Kevin and one from Kitty. He went to his kitchen and filled a glass half way with water for his purple peony. He set it on his dining room table. It looked a little sad at first by itself, but the more he looked at it, the more he appreciated the thought behind it. He went into his bedroom to find his bow tie and to see if any part of his tux needed ironing. While rummaging through his clothes, he called Kevin.

"Kevin Walker?"

"Hi Kevin."

"Hey Uncle Saul. Kitty's on the other line, let me click her in." There was a pause.

"Uncle Saul?"

"Hi Kitty. How are you dear?"

"I'm good. I just put Robert and the kids down for a nap."

"The kids?"

"Yeah, he and _all_ his children had some serious playtime in the backyard today. It's so cute to see them all asleep on the couch. Maybe I'll take a picture and send it."

"Scotty's taking a lunch break here with me. Let me put you on speaker."

"Hi Saul."

"Hi Scotty. I probably have more conference calls with my family than I did with Ojai."

"You're probably right." Kitty said.

"You're calling back later then I expected. I take it everything went well?" Kevin asked.

"Very well, thank you. Oh and thank you both for lunch. It was very unexpected."

"Well, we wanted to make sure it was nice for the both of you." Scotty said.

"You guys are so sweet." Kitty said.

"It was. We even got free dessert. You guys remember the Rojas?"

"They own an art gallery right?" Scotty asked.

"Carlos and Tomas?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah, that's them. They sent us the most incredible dessert. Scotty, we're going to have play around with it and see if we can recreate it. And a note saying that they were glad to see two of their favorite people about to fall in love. Now what do you think that was all about?"

"Aww, how sweet." Scotty replied. "Maybe they see something you two haven't seen yet."

"But it was just lunch."

"Must be something in the chemistry between you two." Kevin said. "We should get everybody together later tonight and dish."

"Yes, we should. I'll even cook." Kitty suggested.

"Maybe we should. Kitty never cooks." Kevin teased.

"I do too."

"Actually, I can't. Our date isn't finished." Saul replied, with a huge smile in his voice.

"Ok, spill it Uncle Saul. I can hear the smile through the phone."Scotty said.

"Yeah so can I. What's going on?" Kitty asked.

"Well, he had a friend who had some tickets to the Symphony Gala tonight and she couldn't go. She knew we were on a date and asked if we wanted to go. So we are."

"What's the program?"

"Kings of Swing and a tribute to Lena Horne."

"I bet that will be awesome." Scotty said.

"I hope so. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm looking for my bowties right now, but I can't seem to find them. All I can find is the one I have to tie."

"What's wrong with that one?" Kitty asked.

"I hate tying it. I bought three clip-ons so I wouldn't have to tie this one. I thought I left them in the boxes so they would be easier to locate."

"Hmmm, I think there might be one at our apartment." Kevin said.

"Make that two…" Scotty said trailing off.

"Ok, so where's my third one?"

"You didn't hide it did you?"

"I doubt it."

"Didn't Justin need a bowtie for something a while ago?" Kitty asked.

"It's possible." He sighed. "Oh well, let me get off the phone with you lot and see if I can find it before Russell gets here."

"Have fun tonight at the Gala. Have a twirl around the dance floor for me and Kevin, ok?"

"I'll see what kind of crowd it is first before we do that."

"These Gala parties run pretty late. Why don't we all meet for brunch tomorrow at Cleo's? Around 11:30?" Kitty suggested.

"Sounds good to me." Saul replied.

"We'll be there." Kevin said.

"See you guys tomorrow." The conference call was over.

Saul pulled out his tux. The shirt needed ironing a little. But he still couldn't find his other bowtie and that bothered him. He really didn't want to waste time trying to tie this one; it never came out right. _I bet Justin does have my other tie. Now I know what to give as Christmas gifts._ He put his shirt on the ironing board and grabbed a snack so he could take his dinner meds. After pressing his shirt, he looked at the clock and he had just enough time to jump in the shower.

He splashed on a little aftershave and got dressed. He had been trying to tie his tie for almost 10 minutes when he heard Russell buzz from the lobby.

"Hi Saul."

"Come on up Russell. Make a right when you get off the elevator and I'm towards the ends of the hall." He went back to the mirror, trying to be completely dressed when Russell got there, but it didn't look like it was going to happen. His doorbell rang. He sighed, giving up on the tie and opened the door.

"Hi Russell, please come in. I was trying to be fully ready but this darn tie is giving me so much trouble."

"Why don't you get a clip-on, like I have?"

"I bought three and learned a while ago that two of them are with Kevin and Scotty and Justin may have the other."

"Ah, I see." Saul glanced at Russell out of the corner of his eye and saw that his hands were behind his back, as if he was hiding something.

"What have you got there? You're hiding something."

"Busted again." He said smiling. "If you can find something to put these in, I think I can help you with your tie." He brought out a dozen purple peonies from behind his back and presented them to Saul.

"Oh Russell, these are so beautiful!" He paused a second and took in their heavenly scent. "You didn't have to do this. The one you brought me at lunch was beautiful enough."

"I know, but I thought they would could keep the little one company." Saul smiled and pointed to his dining room table.

"It does look a little lonely doesn't it?"Russell agreed. "Let me find a vase." He disappeared into the kitchen.

Russell looked around Saul's apartment. It was too small for him but he guessed it was just cozy enough for Saul. The walls were soft beige, but not that blah bachelor beige. The furniture was a chocolate brown with bright fruit colors accented it- strawberry red, pink raspberry, lemon yellow and a few blueberries. The curtains were off white, more like white chocolate. He had hardwood floors and an area rug that matched the pillows. The walls contained pictures of the family, faces he knew but hadn't seen in a while. And some paintings from Tomas and Carlos's gallery.

"Here we go." Saul said as he entered the room. He placed the vase behind the smaller glass and his dining room table seemed to brighten. "I like the way that looks."

"So do I. Now, let me see this tie of yours." It had been hanging loose around Saul's neck. "Do you have a mirror?"

"Right here." He walked over to it and Russell stood behind him. Russell lifted the collar of his shirt and evened the ends of the tie. He then took Saul's hands in his and gave him instructions on tying it as they tied it together. "See, when I tie it by myself, even with the directions that came with it, it never looks like this. It's always crooked and sideways. That's why I bought the clip-on ties."

"Well, we have it tied now. I'll be happy to help you tie it anytime." He smiled at their reflections in the mirror. Saul turned to face him.

"Thank you." He whispered and reached up to kiss Russell's cheek but got the corner of his mouth instead. Russell returned it with a sweet, gentle kiss. "So do I look 'cute' in my tux?" Saul asked.

"Quite the contrary. You look very handsome and sophisticated."

"Good, that's what I was going for."

"There's a group of gentlemen who are going to be very upset with me because you will be on my arm tonight."

"Is that a warning that I will need to keep my guard up?"

"Yes. These men have been trying for years to ask me out, to try and be my boyfriend but they are not what I need in my life."

_And I am?_ Saul thought. "Thanks for the heads up. I want to take a picture of my flowers before we go. I may need it to show off or something." He took the picture of the flowers really to send to his family to show them already how special Russell thought he was. "Ok, let me check to make sure I have everything- wallet, phone, keys, and meds. Yep, got it all. I'm ready when you are."

"Let's go." Saul locked his door and they walked hand in hand to the elevator.

* * *

When they approached his car, Russell went to the passenger's side and opened the door for Saul. No man had ever done that for him before. The only other man who had ever really brought him flowers was Henry. It must not have been that important because he couldn't even remember what kind they were or why Henry brought them. As Russell started the car, Saul sent the picture to his family with the following caption: "He brought me flowers. He's spoiling me already. *shy smile*"

Russell had the radio going playing USC's college radio station. It was in the middle of the Saturday Jazz Set.

"Do any of your students work at the station?"

"A few. Some of them are communications majors with music minors. Some are music majors who are comm minors. Some just like to work in college radio."

"Sounds like a good program."

"It usually is. Sometimes they ask me for recommendations on what to play. I'm actually going to be interviewed in the middle of August live on air."

"Make sure you tell me when it is. I would love to listen."

"I will. I'll be talking about the Fall Fundraiser, the summer jazz bands. We would have already had our first Get to Know the faculty recital. Our second will be a Christmas one."

"What kind of recital is that?"

"A few years ago we had some students complain that they didn't see enough of the faculty displaying their talents. We all have to participate in a certain amount of concerts per school year. They wanted to know that we could actually play and not just dictate how to play. So at the beginning of the school year we have a Get to Know the Faculty recital and this semester is a jazz theme."

"So that's your rehearsal tomorrow?"

"Yep. Our first. We'll probably read through 50 or 60 songs. We'll record the rehearsal and each of us will make of list of what we want to play and the most popular ones make the cut."

"Very Democratic."

"We found that it's the best way for us to work. That way no one is really stuck playing something that they really hate."

"So Elise's husband plays too?"

"Yeah, he's one of the trombone instructors but the only jazz one."

"Sounds like a really large music department. How many trombone instructors to you need?"

"The past five years we've needed three. There are a total of 10 piano professors."

"Are you the only jazz one?"

"No, there are two of us."

"I'm afraid to know how many other teachers there are."

"It's a large department. One year we had so many new students coming that we had to have them come in as summer freshman. Then when the school year started, we had rotated the lessons for two semesters. Those who came in during the summer had to wait until midterms to start their lessons again. That's why our graduate teaching assistants are so treasured. When the department is overwhelmed, they take on the sophomores and juniors- we call them the middle students."

"You guys must be doing something right to have so many students."

"It certainly feels that way."

They rode in semi-silence for a while, listening to the radio. Saul's phone was buzzing every few seconds; replies from his family about the flowers he received. He wanted to read them but he made himself wait until they were at the symphony hall. He couldn't help but smile to himself. He was so happy to be on a date and that his companion for the evening was Russell.

* * *

Traffic picked up significantly, as they entered Los Angeles. Russell drove all the exits he used everyday as a short cut. Soon they had arrived at the symphony hall. It had been a while since Saul had been there but it was just as he remembered. They parked inside the garage and stood inline with other concertgoers waiting for the elevators. Saul was a little leery about holding hands in public like this. But he had to remember how many people were there and holding hands was a pretty good way to make sure they didn't lose each other. Besides, they passed at least five male/male couples holding hands, so it wasn't as uncommon as Saul thought.

Once they reached the main hall, Russell took Saul over to the observation window to look at the Los Angeles skyline as the sun prepared to set.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"Saul said.

"Always." A few minutes later, their silent reverence of the pending sunset was broken by a high-pitched, girlish voice.

"Uncle Russell!" They turned to see a young girl, about 16, approaching them. She was dressed in an evening gown but one that was very age appropriate. "I thought that was you I saw come off the elevator." He opened his arms to hug her.

"Hi sweetheart. How are you?"

"I'm fine and you?"

"I've been having an awesome day, thank you. Are you here with your parents?"

"No, my boyfriend and his parents."

"Have I met this young man?"

"Not yet. I'm trying to get mom and dad let me bring him to grandma and grandpa's anniversary dinner next month. You know, so he can meet the family."

"So you're saying I can't meet him tonight?" He asked.

"Well…"

"I'll introduce you to my date if you introduce me to yours."

"Ok…deal!"

"Saul this is my niece Olivia Redding. Olivia this is my date Saul Holden."

"Pleasure to meet you Olivia."He said, offering his hand to shake.

"Same here Mr. Holden." She said, responding to his offer.

"Please, call me Saul."

"Oh no, you're an adult so I have to call you Mr. Holden."

"Quite the young lady aren't you?"

"I try my best. So how do you know my Uncle?"

"We're actually on an extended blind date that started with lunch earlier."Saul replied.

"Cool. I thought you didn't like blind dates, Uncle Russell?"

"I don't. But I made an exception today and it turned out to be a great decision." She smiled at the two gentlemen because she knew her uncle very well and at this moment he was very happy.

"So what brings you to the symphony tonight?" Saul asked.

"I like big band music with lead vocalists. Learned that from my uncle here."

"I'm pretty sure he's a great teacher."

"That and I studied the songs of Lena Horne for my vocal lessons earlier this year and I wanted to see the tribute."

"Not many young people listening to music like this."

"Oh, I listen to it all. I love Lady Gaga, the Black Eyed Peas, Trey Songz, Whitney, Patti, Bach, Strauss. All of it."

"Really?"

"Yes sir. Uncle Russell says you can't appreciate one form with learning to appreciate another."

"That's very true. Who are you favorite composers?"

"Classically, I love playing Chopin and Mozart on piano. Jazz, I've been trying some Herbie Hancock. He's tougher to play than I thought."

"I bet." Saul said.

"I'm trying to convince her not to give up on it."  
"I'm not giving _up_; I'm just making way for some other styles."

"Sure." Russell said. She looked over her uncle's shoulder and saw her boyfriend. She waved at him to come over.

"Uncle Russell, Mr. Holden this is my boyfriend Mateo Rojas." Mateo offer his hand to each of the men. _Rojas? Could it be?_ Saul took a second look at the young man.

"It's an honor to meet you Dr. Daniels. I've enjoyed hearing you play many times."  
"You're a jazz piano player? Who's your teacher?"

"Roman McKinney."

"Ah, Roman. You've got a great teacher in him." _**This kid looks familiar**_.

"He makes me work really hard, but when I accomplish a piece, I enjoy it more because I can truly understand the progress I made to get it there. My parents really like him too."

"Where are your parents?" Olivia asked.

"They weren't too far behind me earlier." He turned to see if he could find them and he waved at someone they couldn't see right away. "Here they are." As he parents approached, Russell and Saul chuckled to themselves.

"They're your parents?" Russell asked.

"Yes sir. Why?"

"Now, I realize why you look so familiar." Saul said. "I haven't seen you since you were a tiny baby."

"The last time I saw you, you were about four or five years old." Russell said.

"You both know my parents?"

"Three of the paintings in my apartment came from their gallery." Saul smiled as Carlos and Tomas Rojas approached the group.

"Well, well, gentlemen."Tomas said. "Fancy seeing you two twice in one day. Now what are the chances of that?"

"I don't even want to guess." Russell said as they shook hands.

"Thank you so much for dessert today. It was so unexpected." Saul said as they hugged.

"So was seeing the two of you, together." Carlos replied. His voice was more feminine than Russell and Saul had remembered it being. Olivia and Mateo saw some friends from school.

"Dad, is it ok if we go and say 'hi'?" Tomas looked over.

"Sure. Not too far though, the concert will be starting soon." They left to see their friends.

"I was standing here looking at Mateo, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar. Just how long have you two been together? I remember when he was a teeny tiny baby." Carlos smiled.

"Twenty years today. That's why we were at lunch. Tomas's gift to me and tonight is my gift to him."

"Twenty years? Congratulations!" Saul said.

"Thank you." Carlos replied.

"It's awesome being married to him and raising our family." Tomas said. "The girls are with my sister this weekend. They had a spa day. Rocky and Ricky went fishing with Carlos's dad."

"I'm glad you could bring my niece along with you to enjoy the music."

"Oh, that wasn't our doing. Mateo did that all his own. When they sent the season program, he began saving his money and paid for both tickets. Between adults," Carlos said leaning in closer, "we like her better than the little girl that was chasing him around last summer."

"Oh yes. Olivia is a Godsend compared to China. And she's so talented. I think that's what attracted him to her. He heard her singing in the hall." Suddenly the house lights dimmed letting everyone know the concert would be starting in 20 minutes.

"Are you guys staying for the after party? If so, I'd love to catch up with you."Russell said.

"Absolutely. I'm sure the kids wouldn't mind a chance at a few turns on the dance floor."

"Good, then we'll see you afterwards in the lounge." They nodded and left to find their son and his date.

"Boy this world is getting smaller and smaller isn't it?" Saul said, as they walked to the entrance to their seats.

"Smaller by the minute." Russell replied.


	6. A series of afters

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters nor do I own any of the books, movies, food brands or songs mentioned.

**Warning:** This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

**A/N:** Just a reminder, Saul's thoughts are in _italics_ and Russell's in _**italic bold**_. Sorry for the lateness. I actually had a chapter written but I didn't like the flow so I scrapped it. I like this one better. Had trouble with the title though.

Chapter 5: A series of afters

After the symphony…

The ride back to Pasadena was filled with the conversational highs of the night. The symphony was everything Saul loved. Jazz was one of the most soothing types of music there could ever be. Saul could listen to it for hours, listen to his favorites repeatedly and hear something different every single time. Big band music reminded him of his childhood. He would listen to the radio and would love it when there were bands playing in the park. He and his friends would often save their allowances and with the money he received from doing odd jobs, he would buy records of his favorite songs. He was glad he kept the collection in great condition. They would be a great inheritance to someone someday. He hoped.

Not only did he love being there, but also he loved being there with Russell. The young singer doing the tribute to Lena Horne was most excellent. The orchestra accompanied her just beautifully. Both men had no doubt that she could portray the legend in a movie or play if asked. Saul was so elated that she was singing two of his favorite songs. He was 28 years old in 1961 when they were released.

"I Hadn't Anyone Till You" and "Someone To Watch Over Me" were more than just songs to add to his favorites list; they were silent prayers set to music. Saul felt these songs spoke of his soul, his deepest desires, even then. Well, Ms. Horne didn't write the lyrics and she certainly wasn't the first to record them, but her interpretation said what he couldn't, wouldn't dare to say. Who knew that it would take nearly 50 years for those prayers to be answered?

As the tributer was singing "I Hadn't Anyone Till You", Saul placed his hand near Russell's and Russell held it, making Saul blush. He blushed even further when he kissed said hand. And when "Someone To Watch Over Me" was being performed, Russell held Saul's hand to his chest, near his heart. Saul could feel Russell's heartbeat, and it was beating pretty fast. _This feels so natural, so right. I wonder if he feels exactly what I'm feeling?_ Russell's smile told him secretly that he did.

* * *

After midnight…

As they arrived at Saul's apartment, he asked Russell if he would like to come up for a few minutes and he replied yes. As they walked into the apartment, Saul dropped his keys on the table and rushed to his computer to type in the address of the symphony. They were doing something new; the performance was going to be available for download for 24 hours at a reduced price. Any one who had a ticket from the night's performance had a special code that allowed one download of the complete program.

"Along with lunch or dinner at your restaurant, I think this will be a great gift for Elise and her sister."

"I know. I'm so glad we thought of it. I wonder if Elise even knew about the downloads?"

"No telling." Russell said. Saul was now downloading the program. He wished that they could listen to it right then. Instead, he when to his entertainment center and started the CD player. The beautiful voice of Natalie Cole floated through the speakers. "Ah, lovely choice."

"I didn't remember leaving that CD in there." Saul reached out for Russell's hand to dance with him, again. Saul was sure they were floating on air earlier. And the song Natalie just happened to be singing was "Someone To Watch Over Me." Russell obliged and gently pulled Saul into his arms.

"I absolutely loved dancing with you tonight." Russell whispered.

"So did I." Saul decided to ask about Russell holding his hand to his heart. "When the singer was singing, why did you hold my hand to your heart? It was beating so fast I thought it was going to beat out of your chest."

"Yeah, I know. It certainly felt like it could have. That song is one of my favorites."

"Mine too. All I've ever wanted was someone to love and watch over me."Saul replied, sheepishly. As they swayed to the music, they could each feel a sense of serenity and relief. There was something real and comforting radiating from one man to the other. _What is this we're feeling?_

"It's always been a secret prayer of mine. And today I felt like, maybe I got a preview to the answer."

"I've never thought of myself as the answer to someone's prayer. Never thought that I could be the key to someone's heart."

"Maybe you should." Saul paused at the thought. "Maybe you're my key and I'm yours."Russell whispered as he kissed Saul's lips. The kiss, like so many they shared that day was tender and full of passion. Saul pulled away for air, placed his head on Russell's shoulder and sighed.

Their silent thoughts were caressed by Natalie's voice. Neither of them wanted to give up the moment, the feeling, the embrace. Everything felt so sincere and honest. _**What is this between us?**_

"Why so quiet?" Russell asked. Saul sighed again and looked into the eyes of his handsome beau.

"I'm trying, with great difficulty I might add, to resist the urge to ask you to spend the night with me." So many of Saul's dates ended in wild sex, no phone calls and no feelings. Tonight was different; it wasn't sex he wanted. It was intimacy. The holding of hands, the warm embrace, sweet loving, passionate but not sex driven kisses. Saul realized that he was experiencing intimacy for the first time and he didn't want to let the feeling go. Russell chuckled a little.

"I completely understand; I'm resisting the urge, with even greater difficulty, to say yes and trying to make myself go home." Russell looked at the clock and it was nearing 2 a.m. "But its past late and I should go; you need your rest."

"No, no. I'm fine. Honest." Saul protested. "I don't need that much sleep." Russell smiled at his gorgeous beau. "I don't want this night to end Russell. I've never experienced anything like this before tonight." Russell thought.

"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"

"Nothing that I know of."

"How about I swing by after my rehearsal and we do dinner and a movie?" Saul smiled a huge smile.

"Sounds wonderful."

"Great. You pick both. I promise I won't complain." They laughed. Then Saul gave his best pouty face and whine in his voice.

"You're really gonna leave aren't you?" Russell could not resist those lips, leaned forward and kissed him.

"Yes, my darling. I want you to get some rest so we can have a great time tomorrow. Well, later today after the sun rises. Ok?"Saul sighed and agreed.

"Ok." Russell smiled and shook his head in amazement at Saul. He knew at that moment denying this handsome man anything was going to be a difficult task. Saul reluctantly opened the door for him and they shared one more kiss before saying goodnight.

* * *

After sunrise…

The sun peeked through the curtains in Saul's bedroom, casting a line that landed just a few inches from his face. He looked at this clock, rubbed his eyes and stretched. _After 9_, he thought. He was tired but he had so much fun the day before. Having lunch with Russell would have been enough but they had the good fortune to spend the rest of the day and the evening together. It took him so long to get to sleep, but he was sure if there had been a camera taping him, he would have fallen asleep with a smile on his face. Just as he was thinking about turning over to get a few more moments of sleep, his phone rang. His heart fluttered once he saw the number on the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Good morning; I didn't wake you did I?"

"Good morning Russell," Saul replied with a smile in his voice. "and no you didn't wake me. I was just contemplating going back to sleep."

"Oh, maybe I should let you get some more rest then."

"Oh no. I don't mind staying awake to talk to you. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Yes, I did. You?"

"Very well. I was more tired than I thought. But it was a good kind of tired." He said sitting up.

"That's the best kind. I wasn't sure of the best time to call you on a Sunday morning."

"I'm usually up after 8 a.m. I have breakfast with coffee and read the paper. Sometimes I go back to sleep."

"Good to know. So what's for breakfast this morning?"

"Well, this morning I'm meeting my family for brunch at Chloe's. I'm just going to have a snack so I can take my meds. Not sure what I'll have today."

"Chloe's huh? I'll have to go there some time."Russell replied.

"I'm sure you'll love it."

"I'll probably love it more if you go with me."

"I'm sure we can arrange that." Saul said. Russell chuckled little.

"So… this family brunch have anything to do with us and our date?"

"You know it does. Yesterday afternoon it was just going to be Kevin, Scotty, Kitty and me. But I'm sure they have talked with everyone else by now and we will have a table full of Walkers. It should be nothing less than interesting."

"Sounds like you'll be getting the 3rd degree. Wish I could be there to help fend off the questions."

"Oh, you'll get your chance soon. Nora will probably make dinner for my birthday. You know you're welcome to any meal we have at the house right? Sometimes it's just pizza, usually accompanied by a family crisis. You're practically family to them anyway."

"I know. Maybe I can return the favor and everyone can come to my house."

"Your house is big enough for all of us?"

"Absolutely. Your family is like mine. I have a huge dining room, large kitchen and pool. If Nora decides not to make you dinner for your birthday, I just might. Or any night we're free."

"Well, I don't usually get the special treatment _this_ early in the morning."

"You are special to me. I hope you know that. I know we just met yesterday, but there is something pulling me to you and I don't know what it is."Russell said. "It's like my heart is saying I need you in my life."

"I feel the same way. I can't explain it though. I hope we'll give each other the time we need to figure it out."

"Me too. I really want us to get to know each other. Every time I think you of you two words come to mind."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Soul mate."

"Hmm. Interesting words."

"I know and I need to find out why those words, of all words, come to mind."

"Well, maybe we'll get a start on it this afternoon. Last chance for a request before I search the entertainment section of the paper."

"No, it's your choice."

"Ok. Have fun at rehearsal."

"It's jazz; I always do. Have a good time at brunch and I'll see you later."

"Bye." Saul said and hung up the phone. _The only thing missing from that conversation was an "I love you" at the end_, Saul thought. _It felt like he wanted to say it. And I felt like I should have said it_. His smile was even bigger now and he was blushing. He grabbed his glasses and headed to the bathroom.

* * *

After the phone call…

Saul walked into Chloe's to find Kevin and Scotty just being seated at a table where Sarah and Luc were already sitting. He walked over to them with a smile on his face and sat down.

"Well, well, well." Scotty said smiling. "I do believe that's the face of a man who has been kissed."Kevin gently hit Scotty's arm.

"You don't know that, Scotty. Uncle Saul said he would take things slow."

"No, Kevin I agree." Sarah said. "Our uncle was kissed last night. I can tell."And before Saul could answer, Kitty and Nora entered the diner. Kitty kissed one cheek and Nora his forehead.

"Saul must have the magic touch. More kisses this morning." The table laughed at Luc's remark.

"What's that about?"Nora asked.

"I was saying that he looked like a man who had been kissed last night."Scotty said. Nora looked at her brother.

"Now that you mention it, I think you're right Scotty." Nora replied.

"Ok, Uncle Saul will you please put us out of our misery and tell us what happened?"

"Ok, I was kissed last night." Now it was Scotty's turn to hit Kevin's arm. "And yesterday afternoon. And in the wee hours of this morning." Everyone was a little shocked.

"After lunch?" Kitty asked. "You didn't mention that on the phone yesterday."

"I know. I was still surprised by it myself."

"So start from the beginning." Nora said, pouring herself a cup of coffee from the carafe on the table.

"Thank you for the flower suggestion Nora. You were correct, by the way. Blue orchids are his favorites and he loved it. And I loved my purple peony. He liked my reaction so much that when he came to pick me up for the symphony, he brought me a dozen. So thank you for that as well."

"Oh, how sweet of him." She said. He took out his phone and showed her the picture of them on his dining room table. "They're beautiful."

"Ok, ok, back to lunch." Sarah said.

"I was so pleasantly surprised at how handsome he is, since none of you had a current picture. He said that Scotty said I was handsome and everyone else described me as cute. Cute? Really?"

"Well, I think you are cute, in a…oh never mind." Sarah said. "Obviously he thought differently?"

"Yes, he thinks I'm beautiful." He blushed when he said it.

"Ok, forgive me for saying it, but this is _so_ cute." Scotty said.

"Lunch went well. Kevin and Scotty paid and we had a free dessert from Tomas and Carlos Rojas. They were celebrating their 20th anniversary. But we didn't know that until we saw them at the symphony last night."

"So what did you talk about?"Kevin asked.

"A little bit of everything. He knows my status. I didn't really intend to tell him so soon but it was the first thing we talked about it. And it didn't scare him away."

"Cool points for Russell." Kitty said.

"I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but I feel something towards him. We feel it towards each other and that is something I never expected. Not on the first date anyway." Their waiter came to take their orders, and then they continued the conversation.

"One of the most interesting things I found out about him is how long he's know all of you and how many times our paths crossed but we were never introduced. He was at both Kitty's and Kevin's wedding and I didn't notice."

"I thought I introduced you. Well, I guess I didn't or else you would have recognized each other's names when mentioned." Kevin said.

"True. Everything's ok though. I loved having lunch with him. When we were done, neither of us was ready to go home so we went to the park down the street. We hung out at the dock for a little bit and we talked. The conversation got a little emotional."

"Emotional how?" Scotty asked.

"I told him about my lifestyle and how I became positive. I wasn't really prepared to tell him, but the conversation just flowed that way. And I ended up crying."

"It wasn't something he said was it?" Sarah asked, concerned.

"Oh no, no. It was all me. But he was a great comfort. More than I could have expected. After I calmed down, that's when the kiss happened. Really cheered up the moment."

"I would hope so." Nora said. "Did you get to talk about it?"

"Yes, we found a park bench and talked. His friend called about the symphony tickets. She's an ER doc and had to cover a 24-hour shift unexpectedly. She and her sister were supposed to go. Ella's watching her kids now because her husband Greg is at practice with Russell. Scotty, I would like to comp and her and sister whenever they decide is a good time for them."

"That's fine with me. That was a very generous gift. Wish there was something else to add to it."

"Actually, Russell and I came up with something. The symphony is trying something new. Everyone who attended last night had a code on their ticket for a half price download of the performance. So we are giving them each a CD of the performance."

"Awesome! I'd love to hear it." Scotty said.

"Ok, I'll make you a copy. I met his niece Olivia last night too. She's a very lovely young lady."

"She is. I've met her a few years ago when she sang with his band for an Ojai Christmas party. She's wise beyond her years." Nora said.

"I agree. And she's dating Mateo Rojas. Tomas and Carlos are very happy with his choice. He even bought her ticket."

"How sweet." Kitty said. "Sounds like a good kid."

"And he plays piano too. Sometimes he accompanies Olivia. She promised to invite me to her recital when she decides on a date."

"So things went really well for you?" Luc asked.

"Oh, yes. I even learned something about myself."

"And what is that brother dear?" Nora asked.

"Ah…I think I'll keep that to myself for a while. They're good lessons though. Very good."

"So there is a second date?" Kevin asked.

"This afternoon. Dinner and a movie and he's letting me pick both."

"Uh-oh. He might want to change his mind about that." Kitty teased.

"I gave him an out twice and he gave the same answer." The waitress arrived with their food.

"Any ideas yet?" Scotty asked.

"A few." Saul replied, slyly.

"My, my aren't we cryptic now?" Sarah said.

"I'm going to keep it to myself. He'll enjoy it. We both will."

* * *

After rehearsal…

Saul was sitting on pins and needles waiting for Russell to arrive. He had found the movie and eatery he thought Russell would like. He was trying some relaxation techniques that Justin taught him and had almost lulled himself to sleep when Russell buzzed from the lobby. He hurried to the intercom to buzz him up and had to restrain himself from running to the elevator to meet him.

When the door opened, a relaxed and smiling Saul greeted the handsome professor. Russell was wearing jeans and a Polo type shirt with mandals (man sandals that looked like flip-flops). Saul was dressed similarly with a blue short sleeve button down, khakis and the exact same shoes. He thought he would leave his shirt untucked, to see how Russell might like it.

"Hello handsome." Saul said.

"Well, hello to you too, handsome." He leaned closer and kissed his date gently on the lips. "I've been waiting all day to give you that."

"I think I've been waiting all day to receive it. Come on in." Russell stepped in the living room and they hugged and sat on the couch. Saul sat with his back against Russell's chest. Russell wrapped his arms around Saul and while crossing his legs, (right over left) Russell planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Love the shoes." Russell said.

"Ah, yes, great minds do think alike." Saul replied as he too crossed his legs like Russell's.

"So…how unbearable was brunch?"

"Actually, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be." Saul replied. "There were a lot of questions, which I expected, but nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone says hi, by the way."

"That's good. I was afraid everything was going to be uncomfortable for you."

"It could have been, believe me. Everyone seemed pleased that we are getting along so well." Saul was holding Russell's hands close to his heart, and then kissed them. "And Kevin actually thought he had introduced us."

"They handpicked me for you, handpicked us for each other really. Did they think we wouldn't get along?" Saul shrugged.

"I guess that's the one drawback of matchmaking; one can only plot and plan so much but after a while, chemistry either happens or it doesn't."

"And we certainly have chemistry don't we?" Russell asked, returning the kiss to Saul's hands. Saul turned to face him.

"Absolutely. The best kind." Saul smiled and gave the kiss a third turn by placing it on Russell's lips. The sweet peck quickly turned into a passionate kiss, with the need for air pushing them apart. "If we keep this up we'll never get to the movies."

"We don't have to go if you don't want to."Russell suggested, running his fingers through Saul's hair.

"What? And not get the chance to show off my handsome date? No, that won't work." Saul kissed him again and began to pull him up from the couch. "Come on. We'll have a good time. I promise."

"OK, let's go." Russell said standing up. Saul gathered what he needed, locked his door they were off for the afternoon.

* * *

Afternoon out…

Russell and Saul made their way from the parking lot to the Pasadena Entertainment Plaza, proudly holding hands. The plaza wasn't what people would call "strictly gay" but there were enough gay couples and their families frequenting it to make it seem that way. Saul waved to several people that he knew, most of them giving him a surprising look. They didn't expect to see him out with someone and definitely not someone who was as good looking as Russell.

Russell didn't think to ask what movie they were seeing, he was just going to pay. It didn't stop him from looking at the titles on the show board. Saul noticed he was looking and decided to tease him.

"Ah, ah, ah. No point in looking now. I've already decided that we're seeing 'Twilight'. I've heard good reviews about it and I think it will interesting. I haven't read any of the books though." Russell gave Saul a confused looked. "So are you Team Jacob or Team Edward? I think I'm leaning towards Edward."

"We're really going to sit in a theater of screaming, love sick teen and pre-teen girls?"

"Sure, why not?"Russell sighed and surrendered.

"Oh, well. I can't really complain. I did say it was your pick."Saul began to laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Did you _really_ think I would make you sit through that? No, darling. I thought we'd see that cute Jake Gyllenhaal in 'Prince of Persia'. He's not playing a teenager and I thought the plot was interesting. He has amazing blue eyes. Plus the trailer music sounded great and I thought you might appreciate that." Russell breathed a sigh of relief.

"Amazing blue eyes huh? Now who sounds like a love sick teen?"They laughed. "I couldn't see you as a vampire/wolf whatever fan anyway."

"Are you kidding me? I had to ask Paige what it was all about when I first heard about it."

"Same way with Olivia and my other nieces."

"Now, I did enjoy 'Interview With the Vampire', but that was all about Brad Pitt with long hair. Oh and remember 'Legends of the Fall'?" Russell laughed.

"Yeah, I do. I liked his hair then too, but not the scruffy beard he developed."

"Oh no, I hated that beard."

"He had a good look in 'Seven' and 'Fight Club'. Made me go back to the gym." Russell said.

"And the work outs were good?"

"No, but I wasn't in a relationship then and I felt like The Weather Girls 'cause it was definitely raining men in the gym."Saul gave him a "mock shock" look.

"Russell, I'm surprised at you! Did you ask any of them out?"

"Nope. They were so gorgeous and to be honest with you, I had too much fun just looking." They laughed.

They continued their conversation until they were next in line and Russell purchased their tickets. They had about 30 minutes before the previews started so they walked around the plaza looking at the coming attractions. They even played a few video games. Soon they were ready to head to the concession stand. Russell wanted popcorn and a drink. Saul just wanted some Raisinets. As they walked, they hear a very excited girly squeal saying hi to her uncle. The uncle this time was Saul.

"Uncle Saul!" They turned to see 11-year-old Paige Whedon running toward them. Saul held out his arms and she ran into them.

"Hi honey, how are you?"

"I'm fine." She replied.

"I missed you at brunch this morning."

"It's my weekend with my dad."

"Oh where is he?" They looked around located him. He came over with a few other giggly pre-teen girls.

"Hey Saul, how's it going?"They shook hands.

"Pretty good Joe. I see by your company that you are seeing 'Twilight' today?"

"Yes, Paige, my two nieces and my cousin had a sleep over and this was all they talked about last night. Frankly, I'm a little tired of hearing about it. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to sit through it. What are you seeing today?"

"We are going to see 'Prince of Persia' today."

"We?" Paige asked. "Uncle Kevin and Scotty with you?" Paige asked, looking for her other uncles.

"No, let me introduce you to my friend. Russell Daniels this is my great-niece Paige…"

"_Great_ niece as in awesome, fantastic, super-duper." Saul and Russell chuckled.

"You are absolutely right. And this is her father Joe Whedon. Paige is Sarah's daughter."Russell and Joe shook hands.

"Pleasure to meet you Russell."

"Same here Joe and very nice to meet you Paige." He shook her hand as well.

"Nice to meet you too Mr. Daniels."

"Well, let me get these girls to the snack bar and settled before the movie. You guys enjoy."

"Thanks Joe. I have some Tylenol if you need it." Saul teased.

"Already took some. I came prepared today."

"Bye Uncle Saul, Mr. Daniels."

"Bye sweetie." Saul replied as she walked away with her dad.

"Wow, I can see so much of Sarah in her. She's going to be tall like her mother too."Russell commented.

"I think so too."

The two purchased their snacks and headed into the theater to find some decent seats. There were a lot people already seated, ready to enjoy the previews and the feature. Russell like sitting in the middle of the row, giving those who needed it the room to go back and forth. It always bothered him though. _**Why spend money on tickets if you're going to miss chunks of the movie?**_

Sharing popcorn was something Russell loved to do. His shared it with his siblings and with past boyfriends and dates. Although the thrill of two hands touching only excited him with dates, not his siblings. Saul didn't mind sharing his Raisinets, which is why he got a bigger box. He thought it would be cute to feed a few to Russell. He didn't anticipate what happened next. Russell ended up licking his fingers in an incredibly sexy fashion. Intentional or not, it gave Saul goose bumps. It made Saul want to forget about the movie and do something entirely different. He shook himself out of it. _Have to save that for another time._

Both men were somewhat glad when the movie started. They had talked about their chemistry earlier, but there was no denying the sexual tension between them. It was heavy. So heavy that a chain saw would have to cut it. And that surprised Saul. Well, not really. He had always met men who he had sexual chemistry with. What he mistook for sexual chemistry was in all actuality, sheer horniness. This was different. The intimacy factor was making sure it was included in the equation.

* * *

After the movies…

Saul was glad he made it through the movie. If he hadn't calmed himself, things would have been messy. He gave Russell the directions to one of his favorite places to eat, a gay friendly bar called "Home". They served the regular bar food- wings, nachos, fries, onion rings, etc. But there was the real food, the food that reminded you of mom's cooking, the home factor.

"This is nice. Why's this one of your favorites?"

"I discovered this place when I was about 25 or so. It was just a nice place to talk and meet people. While I was still trying to figure myself out, I was able to come here, and talk with people who shared their life experiences with me, how they figured things out. Everybody knows everybody here. If we were in Boston, this place would be named 'Cheers'. I learned so much from the people here. And I realized how fortunate I was that my parents and sister accepted my choice and didn't disown me. I met so many people who didn't have that support."

They had only been at the table a few minutes when some old friends recognized Saul and came over to speak. He introduced Russell and these people seemed very pleased at the fact that Saul had someone in his life. They exchanged numbers and Facebook with promises to keep in touch and maybe double date some time. Saul liked that idea. They ordered regular bar food and sodas since Saul still couldn't drink alcohol. They even saw a few former professors from USC that Russell knew.

After dinner, Russell asked Saul if he would like to go the beach and watch the sunset. Saul thought that would be a nice idea. So they drove to New Port Beach and found a semi-secluded spot to park the car. The sky was just turning that certain beautiful color. Russell let the back door of his SUV up so they would have a place to sit. Saul stood facing the sun with his hands on his hips. Russell started a CD, so they had some music. He came up behind Saul, placed his arms inside of Saul's, and wrapped them around his waist. The older man leaned back into the embrace and sighed. _This feels so good._

Russell was swaying from side to side to the music, in a slow dance of sorts. Saul allowed his body to move with this handsome man. Russell gently placed a kiss to the back of Saul's neck; Saul almost didn't feel it. He smiled and felt a warmth flow through his body. He hadn't felt that feeling in a long time. The music flowed to Saul's ears and through his body, mingling with the warmth. He thought he recognized the song.

"Is that Quincy Jones?"

"Yes. Not his CD though, just a few of his songs." _**I couldn't have timed this song better if I tried. This is perfect!**_

Russell wanted to see just how much sexual tension was between them. He hoped he wouldn't go to far too soon. Saul would tell him when he was uncomfortable. Russell's right thumb found it's way underneath Saul's undershirt and he began to make gentle circles around the older man's belly button. He could feel Saul's breath quicken a little. He added a few more kisses to the back of his neck and Saul thought his knees would give away. The song playing was "Prelude To the Garden (Sweet Seduction Suite)", with just a few seconds until "Secret Garden (Sweet Seduction Suite)" began playing.

Saul emitted a soft moan when he felt Russell's tongue on the lobe of his left ear. He placed his hand on Russell's and Russell took that as a signal that Saul wanted him to stop. So he did. But that was not Saul's intention. He wanted Russell to continue, he just wanted to feel closer to him. Barry White's voice mingling with the music began to speak and it was expressing everything Russell wanted to say.

**Barry White speaking:**** Tell me a secret. I don't just want know about any secret. I want to know about that special secret.**

Russell continued nibbling on Saul's left ear.

**BW speaking:**** Because tonight I want to hear about all the secrets in your garden.**

**Al B. Sure!:**** I wanna read your mind, know your deepest feelings.**

**I wanna make it right for you. Baby show me, let me share the mystery.**

**Come on, come on, come on, come on**

**Listen to you heart tonight**

**Come on, come on, come on,**

**Tonight- alright**

**Come on, come out tonight**

Saul could feel Russell's hand slowly glide up to his chest, caressing and making circles there. His middle finger brushed the left nipple and brought a whimper from the back of Saul's throat. Russell whispered a question. Saul's reply: "No, don't stop."

**James Ingram:**** I know a melody that we could sing together**

**I've got the secret key to you**

**Let's make music, harmonizing ecstasy**

**Come on, come on, come on, come on**

**Sing it to me**

Russell felt himself getting excited from watching Saul's movements. Their responses weren't completely from their bodies, most of them were from their hearts. Saul's deep desire to be loved and Russell's desire to oblige. Russell's breath quickened as Saul seemed to arch his back then leaning back into him, asking to be touched.

**Chorus:**** Here in the garden, where temptation feels so right**

**Passion can make you fall for what you feel**

**In the garden, we can make it come alive**

**Ev'ry night oh, woman- your secret garden**

Saul turned to this man with the gentle touch, searching for a kiss and soon finding it. It was passionate, yearning and sweet to the taste and soul. Russell found his hands encircled the waist of the person he desired, caressing the small of his back. Saul showed that his hands loved to touch beautiful things as well. He could feel the muscles under his hands as they traveled inside Russell's shirt.

**El DeBarge:**** I need to be with you, let me lay beside you**

**Do want you want me to all night**

**Gonna hold you, ooh baby can I touch you there**

**Come on, come on, come on, come on**

**I can keep you satisfied**

**Come on, come out tonight**

Now it was Russell's turn to be breathless. Saul's lips left their spot and made their way to bottom of his neck (left visible by not buttoning all the buttons on his shirt) via the right side of his neck. Saul began to suck and nip the flesh there, leaving a love mark, being careful not to break the skin. "My darling, I think you'll be wearing a tie to work tomorrow." Russell leaned into the older man and hissed as both nipples were introduced to Saul's thumbs. A whimper followed as the cool breeze of pending evening tickled any exposed flesh made warm by kisses and caresses.

**Barry White:**** I'll take good care of you**

**That's what a man is supposed to do**

**And I'll be there for you all the time**

**Let your hair down, let me get you in the mood**

**Come on, come on, come on, come on**

**Take me with you**

The scent of arousal was strong between them and both were glad that no one else could smell it, or directly see what was happening. Russell could feel he results of his teasing, a hardening member against his leg. Every time his leg moved, Saul gasped and moaned at the sensation that moved through his body. And he likewise could feel Russell's hardness. He let his hand rest on the growing bump between his legs and he gently caressed it with his thumb. The sexy growl roared from his loins and made Saul shiver. "If my jeans get any tighter, they will burst."

**Chorus:**** Into the garden, where temptation feels so right**

**Passion can make you fall for what you feel**

**In the garden, we can make it come alive**

**Ev'ry night, oh, woman- your secret garden**

"Release it," Saul whispered. "Let me help." And before Russell could refuse, Saul's hand was inside Russell's underwear, urging his release. The tip of his penis managed to make it out of his underwear and he managed to lean more into Saul as his pumped. His orgasm arrived in waves like the ocean behind them, spurting in an arc of sorts to the ground, almost making him collapse. The high of pleasure was evident in his voice and on his face.

**BW speaking:**** You know, I've never wanted anyone,**

**I've never wanted anyone,**

**As much as I, as much as I want you,**

**I want you to show me, I want you to tell me all your secrets in your garden**

Russell sat down in the back of his SUV, pulling Saul closer to him. He was in need as well. A hand slipped inside the zipper of his khakis and found what it was looking for. Now it was Saul's turn to lean.

**Group rap:**** If ya think I'm gonna take care of you, If ya think I got what cha need Sho ya right**

As he leaned in, he could hear Russell's words of love and encouragement. He could feel the strength of his hand as it caressed his cock.

**BW speaking:**** I want us to take our time, because we have all night**

**Group rap:**** If ya think I'm gonna be good to you, If ya think I like what cha do, Sho ya right**

A swipe across the head, and he almost felt like fainting. A few more strokes and he came hard – shuddering and shaking his body, releasing into Russell's hand. The smile on his face was priceless.

**BW speaking:**** Let me find your secrets**

**Group rap:**** If ya think I'm gonna take care of you, If ya think I go what cha need, Sho ya right**

Russell reached for the roll of shop towels he kept in a car tote and gently cleaned Saul off while he tried to regain his composure. Russell placed the dirty towels in a plastic shopping bag he kept in the tote and tied them to dispose of them safely later. Saul had managed to put himself back together and zipped his pants.

**BW speaking:**** Sho ya right**

**Group rap:**** If ya think I'm gonna be good to you, If ya think I like what cha do, Sho ya right**

Saul sat next to Russell, befuddled about what just happened. It wasn't like the past, but this was something different. Ok, maybe they both could have been just a little horny, but it wasn't lust he was feeling. He knew what that felt like. _This isn't that_.

**BW speaking:**** How does that feel?**

"Hand sanitizer ok?"Russell asked. Saul looked in the tote.

"Nah, the soap is better." Russell took a dry towel and grabbed a bottle of water so they could wet their hands. Then he squirted a few drops of the hand soap on their hands so they could lather and then rinse with the remaining water in the bottle. After drying his hands, Saul sat between Russell's legs, leaning against his chest. Russell slid his arms around Saul's waist again and they watched the sun really begin to set.

"You certainly have a lot of stuff in that tote."

"I learned from experience about things you need to keep in your car in case of emergency. The soap came from changing too many flat tires."

"My counselor made sure I had an HIV kit in case something happens to me. It included a sticker to put on the windshield for emergency personnel to see." Russell placed his chin on Saul's shoulder and after a few contemplative moments of silence, he spoke.

"I'm sorry." Russell whispered. Saul looked back at him, giving him a confused look.

"Sorry for what? You haven't done anything to apologize for."

"I didn't really intend for things to go that far. I was sure you would stop me at some point."Saul smiled a small smile.

"I thought about it. But it felt so good and something inside of me said to trust you, that you wouldn't harm me. You didn't force me to participate; I decided that I wanted to." He caressed Russell's cheek and whispered, "I'm glad I did." They gently kissed as the sun continued to set.

* * *

**A/N2**: Ok let me do a little explaining. First, I apologize if it seems long (MS Word says 17 pages); but I really do like this one better than the first draft I'd written. After scrapping the first, I didn't have a title. So I was writing this, I starting naming each section and the title developed from that. The song used here is from Quincy Jones's album "Back on The Block." He won quite a few Grammy's for it. This album inspired me to go into the music business. The song is "The Secret Garden" featuring Barry White, Al B. Sure!, El DeBarge and James Ingram. It's one of my favorites. You just have to listen to it.

BTW, what do you think about the Brad Pitt conversation? I laughed at myself after writing it. I felt the same way. I had a poster from "Legends of the Fall" on my dorm room wall my freshman year. Wow that was '94-'95. Didn't realize the movie was that old.


	7. Boyfriends

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters nor do I own any of the books, movies, food brands or songs mentioned.

**Warning:** See chapter 1

**A/N:** I know it has really been a long time since I've updated and I apologize. I hope everyone has been following and loving the show. So Saul has a man now and Kevin and Scotty have Olivia! *happy dance* I love the way things are being written except for this Michelle storyline. Not liking that at all. But I guess it wouldn't be "our" show without the twists and turns huh? I'm going to work them into this fic but with my own twists and turns.

Chapter 6: Boyfriends

Monday morning at work was business as usual for Saul. He was putting in the payroll and reconciling the books. Scotty was checking in the food order. Saul didn't say much about his Sunday afternoon date with Russell, but Scotty could tell that he had a great time. He was smiling and whistling. Saul was always a gentleman and was not one for whistling indoors. Today he was forgetting his own rule.

"Oh Scotty," He called out. "Don't forget that the 4th is on a Sunday. We'll need to have the food delivered on Saturday since the drivers will probably have Monday off." Scotty poked his head into the office.

"I'm glad you reminded me. I almost forgot. So will you be in to do payroll that day or do you want me to come down and do it?"

"I don't have a problem doing it. It would just take a little bit of time. Our employees deserve their paychecks on time." And Saul went back to whistling.

"So, are you waiting 'til Kev gets back or are you gonna tell me why you're breaking your own gentleman's rule?" Scotty asked as he placed the invoices on the desk for Saul to enter.

"Hmm? What rule?" He asked looking over the top of his glasses as he picked them up.

"The whistling?" Just then, Kevin walked in.

"Who's whistling?"

"Your Uncle." Kevin's eyebrows rose with surprise.

"Is he now?" He grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "Do tell Uncle Saul. Why is the little birdie singing?"

"Oh you two are so silly. I like whistling."

"Ah yes, but see you taught us that a gentleman should never whistle indoors." Kevin reminded.

"Today I just can't seem to help myself." Saul replied smiling and blushing.

"Look Kevin, do you see that blush? Just what happened after the movie yesterday?"

"After dinner we went to the beach and watched the sunset." Kevin and Scotty laughed.

"I bet. How much of the sunset did you actually _see_?" Kevin teased.

"We eventually saw the rest of it."

"Eventually? Scotty you hear that?"

"Sounds like someone got lucky last night." Scotty said. Saul looked up from the computer at them and shook his head.

"Why does everything seem to revolve around sex with you two? Besides, it wasn't like that."

"You're going to sit here and tell us that _**absolutely nothing**_ happened between you and Russell last night?" asked Kevin.

"I…I wouldn't say that, exactly."

"Well, what exactly _are_ you saying?"

"We had an intimacy of sorts."

"Of sorts? What the hell does that mean?" Kevin asked. Saul sighed.

"It means, we didn't have sex." Scotty and Kevin looked at each other and whispered _Oh_ at the same time. "We were careful with what we did do and that's all I'm going to say at the moment." And he went back to work.

"Well, whatever **it **was, has made you a much happier man. Cheers to Russell."

"Here, here!" Scotty commented. Saul sighed again.

"Listen, what are you two doing for the holiday?"

"Mom wants everyone over for the barbeque. We thought we might hit a club and go dancing."

"Hmm…dancing. Might be nice. Ah, maybe Russell and I are too old for that."

"I doubt it. I bet you two could still out dance us." Scotty said as he was putting up the food items.

"Yes, to jazz. I'm not sure about the clubs now-a-days."

"Well, what are your plans?"

"I was going to take Russell to see the fireworks at the Marina. He's never been."

"Awesome! We could make it a double date. Fireworks and club after, what do you say?" Kevin asked.

"Sounds good to me. I'll check with him."

That Fourth of July weekend found the foursome enjoying rapidly melting ice cream cones and the fireworks display at the park. Then it was club time. Saul agreed to go but protested when it came to the dance floor. However, Russell convinced him that it might be fun.

"Come on, when was the last time you really let loose on the dance floor huh?" Russell asked.

"Probably before that DJ was born." Russell laughed. "I honestly couldn't tell you. I'm an old man now; I don't want to shake anything loose."

"We know how to get you to a hospital if we have to." Kevin said.

Once inside, Russell could see a smile emerge on Saul's lips and he just gently pulled him to the dance floor. Russell placed his hands on Saul's hips and persuaded him to sway a little with him. Saul laughed at himself, how silly he must have seemed. But within a few seconds, he was more than just swaying- he was dancing. The song playing right then was Whitney Houston's "Million Dollar Bill" and that's exactly how Russell made Saul feel.

"_**If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill say oh, oh, oh"**_

"Oh, oh" Saul sang along. Russell was singing too. They forgot all about Kevin and Scotty. They were in a Million Dollar Bill world of their own.

Neither of the gentlemen knew how their actions and feelings towards each other affected the other men in the club. They were approached several times through the night to participate in threesomes, foursomes and a few were bold enough to say they just wanted to watch. Saul and Russell politely turned the offers down and were a little shocked by them. And by how many there were. They were enjoying sodas since Saul couldn't drink alcohol yet when Kevin and Scotty found them. But before long they were on the floor dancing again, this time Russell's arms were around Saul's waist and Saul was leaning back into the embrace with his arms behind him encircling Russell's neck.

"Look at them, dancing and stuff. I'm so happy my uncle is smiling. I don't when I've even seen him smile like that."

"Russell too. They make such a cute couple Kev. We did a good thing by introducing them to each other. Do you think that they will actually become a couple, I mean a real couple like us?"

"Absolutely. In fact, I predict that these two will get married."

"Really?" Kevin nodded.

"Yeah, just look at Uncle Saul. He's so ready to fall in love with Russell and I think Russell is already there."

"But they barely know each other."

"I know, but when your heart knows, it knows babe. Plan and simple."

After a few hours of dancing, the men were ready to go home. They all had a great time hanging out and just being couples. Kevin had driven and picked up Saul and Russell so neither of them would have to find a spot at the park or the busy club. Kevin just had to laugh at the two older men as they whispered, held hands and kissed in the back seat.

"All right you two. Geez, you're like a couple of horny teens."

"I feel like a teen." Saul said laughing. "I haven't felt like this in years. Thanks for suggesting the dancing."

"You're welcome. We don't get to hang out much like this. We should do this more often." Kevin replied.

"And it's one of the best clubs. Very clean and friendly." Scotty said. They were coming to Russell's house and he was reluctant to get out of the car. He leaned over and kissed his dance partner passionately.

"Hey don't mind us." Kevin said. They all laughed.

"I'll call you in the morning?" Russell whispered.

"You better." Saul whispered back smiling.

"Night guys."

"Night." "Good night Russell." They watched him go into the house. Kevin looked back at the huge smile on his uncle's face.

"You love him already don't you?" He asked.

"I don't know." Saul watched as Russell waved back at them. "Maybe a little."

* * *

The next morning found Russell a little sore from dancing. It definitely reminded him that he was definitely not a young man anymore. But he had such a good time and he could tell that Saul did as well. He loved holding Saul and dancing with him. They had even kissed while dancing. Everyone else was doing it, why not the two of them? He decided to call his handsome beau to see what his plans were for the day.

"Hello?"

"Well good morning to the best dance partner a man could have." Saul laughed. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"A little sore but good. I had such a great time last night."

"So did I. And you said you didn't feel like dancing. You could have fooled me."

"I surprised myself."

"Any plans for today?"

"I'm going to the restaurant to do the payroll and inter the invoices. But after that no plans."

"How about you come here for lunch afterward and we listen to some music."

"Sounds like a great idea. What shall we listen to?"

"I've got some ideas, but anything you want is cool with me."

"Good. I guess I'll see you about one or so?"

"Ok. See you then."

The payroll took longer than expected because of the way it needed to be entered. There were new fiscal rules/regulations/laws that went into effect on July 1. Their system had to update before he could do anything. Saul made good time though; he was only fifteen minutes late. He had never seen Russell's house before last night. He was anxious to see how the inside reflected him.

"Hi handsome." were the words that greeted Saul when the door opened.

"Hello to you too." When Saul stepped in, he was treated to a kiss that made his smile bigger- as if that were even possible.

"Everything was well at the restaurant?"

"Yes, everything is fine." Russell led Saul down a long hallway. There were exquisite paintings mixed in with beautiful black and white photographs. "Russell those are beautiful. Where did the photos come from?"

"My niece Alessandra. We call her Lessie. She's Olivia's twin sister. Here, let me show you around."

Russell gently took Saul's hand and gave him a tour of the house. The rooms were large and spacious with furniture that fit. Nothing looked out of place. Saul noticed that some of the rooms were painted bright unusual colors. Russell said that the rooms came that way and after he'd had spent time decorating to the colors, they had grown on him.

There was a large beautiful mahogany cherry stained table in the dining room with matching chairs. The view of the backyard and pool was beautiful. It almost looked like a picture that would have accompanied a travel brochure.

"I didn't know you had a pool. We could have gone swimming to cool off."

"Mmm, not today. It needs to be cleaned. My whole family and part of the neighborhood was in there yesterday. That was a lot of people. But you are welcome to anytime you want to swim."

They next visited the upstairs and Saul got a chance to see where Russell laid his head. The room was very neat and organized, much like his own. It had a beautiful view of the backyard as well. The ensuite bath was very spacious. Russell's walk in closet was just to the right as he walked in. There was a gorgeous Jacuzzi tub that made Saul jealous; his apartment wasn't big enough for one of those. He loved the atmosphere of how Russell decorated everything. Each guest room was as interesting and beautiful as the next.

Walking down the back stairs led them into the large to-die-for kitchen. Beautiful stainless steel appliances a breakfast nook with a window seat. Saul loved the look so much he wanted to ask Russell if he wanted a roommate. The last room Russell showed Saul was his beloved music room. It was a large room like all the others in the house. He could see the mini home studio towards the back of the room. There were bookcases full of books and bookcases full of music. Russell had all kinds of media- LPs and vinyl of all kinds, CDs, mini-discs, the long forgotten Video Disc (the precursor to the DVD). He even had special section for sheet music. Saul was overwhelmed.

His eyes scanned the room and his desk was over to the side. There was a computer there and papers that Russell had been working on. He had several electronic keyboards set up to a computer set up to a separate computer. Russell explained that it was how he wrote some of his music and exercises for his piano students. Behind those keyboards, was his beautiful oak stained grand piano. It took Saul's breath away.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Saul nodded with shock. "I couldn't resist. It's breathtaking."

"I agree." Russell walked over to the piano and sat on the bench.

"When I saw it, I just had to have it."He opened the lid protecting the keys and began to play some chords. "I'm taking requests; what would you like to hear?" A shocked Saul didn't know what to say.

"Hmmm… play 'Misty' for me." They both laughed. "I think that movie was on last week." Russell began the chords to the song.

"_**Look at me.**_

_**I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree.**_

_**And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud, I can't understand**_

_**I get misty just holding your hand."**_

"You're singing to me?" Russell's rich baritone voice sent shivers down Saul's spine.

"_**Walk my way,**_

_**And a thousand violins begin to play**_

_**Or it might be the sound of you hello, the music I hear**_

_**I get misty the moment you're near."**_

"Oh Russell, you're so sweet to sing to me."

"_**You can say that you're leading me on**_

_**But that's just what I want you to do.**_

_**Don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost, that's why I'm following you.**_

_**On my own,**_

_**Would I wander through this wonderland alone**_

_**Never knowing my right foot from my left,**_

_**My hat from my glove,**_

_**I'm too misty and too much in love.**_

_**I'm too misty and too much in love."**_

"Ah, that was beautiful."

"And all very true." Russell said smiling.

"You're in love?"

"Yes, I believe I am." Saul was shocked. He didn't know what to say. Russell continued playing chords leading to another song.

"_**Like the beat, beat, beat of the tom-tom**_

_**When the jungle shadows fall**_

_**Like the tick, tick tock of the stately clock**_

_**As it stands on the wall**_

_**Like the drip drip, drip of the raindrops**_

_**When the summer shower is through**_

_**So a voice within me keeps repeating you, you, you..."**_

"Cole Porter is one of my favorites." Saul whispered.

"_**Night and day, you are the one**_

_**Only you beneath the moon and under the sun**_

_**Whether near to me or far,**_

_**It's no matter darling where you are I think of you**_

_**Night and day.**_

_**Day and night,**_

_**Why is it so**_

_**That this longing for you follows wherever I go**_

_**In the roaring traffic's boom**_

_**In the silence of my lonely room,**_

_**I think of you, night and day."**_

Saul didn't know what to think. He had never had been serenaded before. Russell was singing such lovely songs with such a lovely voice. Saul was overwhelmed.

"_**Night and day Under the hide of me**_

_**There's an oh such a hungry yearning burning inside of me**_

_**And it's torment won't be through**_

'_**Til you let me spend my life making love to you**_

_**Day and night, night and day."**_

Russell smiled as Saul blushed.

"No one has ever sung to me; no one. Thank you." Saul leaned forward and kissed Russell. "I can't stop smiling."

"I like that you can't stop smiling. Everything I sang is true. I do think of you night and day. It's amazing what songs pop in my head when I'm thinking of you or calling you."

"Oh really? Like what?"

"Hmmm…a couple of Stevie Wonder songs come to mind right now." Saul was anxious to hear what Russell was thinking.

"What song?" He began playing at a slower tempo and Saul didn't recognize the song at first.

"_**For once in my life I have someone who needs me**_

_**Someone I've needed so long**_

_**For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me**_

_**And somehow know I'll be strong**_

_**For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of**_

_**Long before I knew**_

_**Someone warm like you**_

_**Would make my dreams come true**_

_**For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me**_

_**Not like it's hurt me before**_

_**For once I have something I know won't desert me**_

_**I'm not alone anymore**_

_**For once I can say this is mine you can't take it,**_

_**As long as I know I have love, I can make it**_

_**For once in my life I have someone who needs me."**_

Neither man knew how true those words would become for the two of them. Saul's tears trickled down his face. He had never felt needed before, not by someone who wanted to love him.

"Russell…" Russell gently wiped a few from Saul's cheeks. "No one has ever needed me."

"_I _need you." He whispered. "We need each other baby. I want us to be there for each other. I want to be there for you. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your boyfriend and more." Saul's mouth dropped open in surprise.

"I…I… Russell, I don't know what to say."

"Say yes. I'm already so in love with you, I know it." Tears welled up in Russell's eyes. "You captured my heart the moment I kissed you."

"Me?"

"When I used to picture my happiness all I could see was me and my music. But now, now when I picture my happiness, I see us Saul. You and me." Saul closed his eyes; he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I feel that I love you too."

"Then let's be boyfriends." Russell whispered. Saul smiled.

"Yes, let's."

* * *

"Paige, you guys should come in from the heat for a little while." Sarah called out to her children who were swimming in their Grandmother Nora's pool.

"Ok mom."Before entering the house, she dried them off and wrapped them in huge dry towels so the cold air condition wouldn't make them sick. Luc had glasses of lemonade ready for them at the table. "This should help you cool down and I will take your place in the pool." He said walking out towards the pool. Sarah had been working on her laptop and left it up.

"Mom, is it ok if I check my Facebook?"

"Yeah honey, I'm done for a while."

"So what's his name?" Scotty asked.

"What's whose name?"

"His name. The boy you don't want your mom to know about." Kevin whispered. Paige blushed a little but caught herself.

"There isn't a boy that I don't want mom to know about."

"Nicely put." Kitty said.

"Babe don't encourage her." Robert said as he finished inflating Evan's water wings. Paige made a funny face and shook her head in disbelief.

"Why would Uncle Saul put up a picture of two people's bare feet? That's just crazy."

"Oh yeah?" Nora asked as she worked on her crossword puzzle. "What does his status say?"

"_You_ know what a status is?" Kevin asked.

"I'm learning." She replied looking at him over her glasses.

"It says that he's in a relationship with Dr. Russell K. Daniels."

"What?" Sarah said rushing over to the table. Kitty, Kevin, Scotty and Robert pulled out their various smart phones, immediately logging onto Facebook. "Oh my god!"

"Oh she is _so _not kidding." Kitty said.

"I think he was with Uncle Saul when daddy took us to see 'Twilight'".

"Do you see Russell's status?" Scotty asked. "He's changed his relationship status and he put up 'Hey everyone meet my boyfriend Saul'. They were happy last night, but I didn't they were ready to be a couple yet."

"Look at all the congratulatory comments." Robert said. "I bet Saul's gonna have so many friend requests he won't know what to do."

"Should I say something?" Paige asked.

"If you want to honey. You can show your Uncle Saul some support." Sarah said. Nora looked over Paige's shoulder.

"Would you look at the picture Russell posted? They really do look happy. I've haven't seen my brother smile like that in a long time. A really long time."

* * *

Saul and Russell were sitting on the floor in front of the couch, listening to Dave Koz. He was a favorite sax player of both men. The song playing was "Lucky Man" the title track from his first CD. Saul felt as if he were in heaven sitting between Russell's legs. He was earning against his new boyfriend's chest, the vibrations from Russell's singing flowing through his entire body. The sensations combined with the small nibbles and kisses were lulling Saul into arousal.

"I wonder who the lucky man was that Dave was playing to." Russell mused.

"I don't know but he was half as lucky as I am right now he was beyond excited." Saul pulled Russell's arms closer about him. "This is so…mmm…" Russell looked at his new love.

"Are you ok baby?"

"I'm more than ok. You're just arousing me." He was shocked.

"Am I?" Saul nodded and placed Russell's hand between his legs so he could feel how hard Saul was getting. "I didn't know I had that effect on you." He whispered into Saul's skin while caressing the hardening manhood. The older man's breath hitched at the ministrations and his body squirmed at the pleasure. Saul turned his face to Russell's and found kisses. Russell reached behind him and grabbed a large pillow from the couch. Placing it on the floor, he urged Saul to lay his head there. As he lay down, Russell placed his legs on either side of Saul and continued to kiss him.

Saul's hands travelled under Russell's shirt, caressing his skin and moaning into the kiss. Russell's kisses travelled towards a waiting neck. Saul's back arched at the sweet nips and his hips thrust at the continuance of Russell's hand. He smiled at the fact that he would be receiving another hand job from Russell. Ah, but Russell had other plans.

He slowly unzipped Saul's pants and felt the warm flesh just inside the opening of his boxers. The whimper that followed made Russell hungry to please his new love. He nuzzled his nose against the material then placed kisses all over. When lips finally touched flesh, Saul sat up.

"Wait, Russell what are you doing?"

"Shhh, just lay back and enjoy this."

"But you can't-"

"I'm good baby. Let me do this for you." Saul lay back in semi-protest as Russell's tongue made it's way to the tip of his penis. The hot wetness of Russell's mouth rendered Saul speechless. His hips bucked in reponse to the lovely sensations. When his manhood was taken whole into the hot wet cavern, Saul was powerless. Russell hummed to the song that was playing and Saul almost climaxed. Russell continued his performance of licking and sucking his lover. Saul tried to control himself but he couldn't. Before he knew it, his hot liquid was shooting into Russell's mouth. Before Saul could protest, Russell switched to his hand. See, Russell had been to the doctor and asked if giving oral sex to someone who was HIV+ would be safe. The answer he got was as long as there were no cuts in Russell's mouth that things would be fine. He would explain that to Saul once he came to.

When Saul calmed and opened his eyes, Russell was there smiling at him. It had been a long time since Saul had felt that kind of euphoria. He was speechless for a while, but he was able to kiss Russell.

"That was amazing."

"You're amazing." Russell replied. Saul's smile frowned and his worry lines came forth. "What's the matter hun?"

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You need a release too." Saul said, looking down.

"I'm good baby, honestly." Saul began kissing Russell again and as much as he wanted to just hold Saul in his arms, Russell gave in to the kisses. Saul's hand found its way between Russell's legs and what it was looking for. He was just as hard if not harder than Saul was.

"Let me return the pleasure, please?" Saul whispered. Then he began unbuttoning Russell's jeans, slipping his hands inside. His hips bucked at the warmth of Saul's hand. Soft kisses were placed where the material of Russell's underwear covered. It had been a long time since Saul had done this. It used to be old hat for him, the way most of his dates ended. But this was his boyfriend, his new lover- totally different. Saul remembered the techniques he used to do but renewed them with love. He relished the feel of Russell in his mouth. When he took him whole into his mouth, he hummed along with the music causing Russell to throw his head back and gasp for air at the sensations. Russell's hands threaded through Saul's hair as the tip of his penis caressed Saul's tonsils. Wanting to enjoy the attention and feelings, Russell tried to make it last but he couldn't. His body was on over load and his climax charged through his body, nearly shooting straight up in the air. Saul gently licked his lover clean and watched him jump from the extra sensations.

"Mmmm…"

"I think I'm going to like pleasing you." Saul whispered as he leaned forward and kissed Russell.

"Yea, I think I'm going to like you pleasing me too."

After a little calming time, the new couple ate lunch. Saul was impressed with Russell's cooking skills. Everything he ate was delicious. Full and satisfied they retreated to the music room.

"Would you like to watch a musical performance to listen to more music?"

"Yes!" They laughed. "What performances do you have?"

"Let's see… I have 'Rent' and a college performance of 'All That Jazz'. It was put together by the students in the music department."

"Let's watch that." They settled down on the couch. Saul sat with his legs tucked underneath him and Russell sat close to him. But before the end of the performance, Russell had lain down on the couch and Saul had stretched his body across him, as if Russell was a body pillow. And soon, the couple had fallen asleep.


	8. Together

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Brothers and Sisters nor do I own any of the books, movies, food brands or songs mentioned.

**Warning:** See chapter 1

**A/N:** So have you heard the rumor that last season's episode about Sarah's was in for the Walker family? ABC may be cancelling yet another one of my favorite shows. But not to worry I will complete this story no matter what. I am also getting ideas for the next part of the story. If you're on Twitter follow me (at symbol) sissouthernink.

Chapter 7: Together

Saul was having the time of his life. He was in love. And this time he knew it was love. Russell was so wonderful to him and they shared something so special. Saul was surprised at how fast he fell for Russell. In most relationships, people might debunk his feelings as infatuation, puppy love. But Saul was a grown man and an older man at that; there wasn't time in his life for infatuation. Everything he felt was real.

They would spend time at the beach, going to dinner and lots of time listening to music. Russell sincerely cared for Saul. He couldn't describe everything he was feeling but it wasn't like anything he'd felt before. As far as he was concerned, Saul was it for him. He didn't need to search for anyone else. Even if they never married or had a commitment ceremony, Russell felt that, he could live the rest of his life with Saul.

Saul's health was improving. He was approved to drink alcohol in moderation again. He was from a wine family; Saul was very happy about this development. Saul was tolerating his medicine much better and he was beginning to gain some of the weight he'd lost when first diagnosed. Dr. Berry, his HIV counselor, was a great help concerning his mental state.

A variety of emotions are experienced when patients are first diagnosed. Depression and guilt are the most common ones; Saul felt both of these. Dr. Berry had given him some tools to use so he could deal with them better; Justin has given him some relaxation techniques to keep down anxiety. The other thing that was keeping him happy and sane was a man named Dr. Russell K. Daniels.

"Why don't you come over Saturday since you're off? Maybe we can swim."

"I'd love to."

Saul arrived around noon but to the gentlemen's disappointment, it was raining. They walked to the indoor patio and stared longingly at the pool.

"I really wanted to swim today." Saul said.

"Me too but I can't have you getting sick on me. There is a good side though; it's cooling off a bit. We can sit here and watch the rain."

"I had a friend who used to say that there were only two good things to do in the rain."

"Oh yeah, what're those?"

"Sleep and sex." They both laughed.

"Come on, I've got some snacks and wine."

"Yay wine!"

"I have a nice white wine chilling on the patio here. I hope it meets your approval."

"I'm sure it will."

"There's cheese, fruit, crackers. We've got music playing and love."

"What else do we need?" They walked out hand-in-hand further onto the patio and Saul saw what seemed like mattresses. They were covered in white sheets and laid out on raised wooden platforms in Zen fashion. There were colorful lounging pillows and blankets that looked liked scarves. First Russell led him to two white chaise lounges, between them a table with a bucket full of ice and a wine bottle nestled in it. Russell poured them each a glass.

"To a love-filled wonderful afternoon." He said.

"Here, here." Saul replied. They took a celebratory sip then Russell sat down, patting the space in front of him as an invitation for Saul to sit with him. "So, tell me how mattresses on a patio work." Russell laughed.

"Uh, they're not really mattresses. Well, they are but I prefer to call them lounge spaces. My family stretches out on them when we spend time out here. We just lean back and relax."

"It seems very Zen."

"You could say that. I've been out here when the weather is that right crispness in fall with some Billie Holiday playing over the speakers and have had the best naps ever."

"They do look comfortable."

"We can stretch out on them if you want." Russell leaned forward and kissed Saul. "We can do whatever we want out here."

"No one will see?" Saul asked looking around to imagine what the neighbors could possibly see.

"Nope. Special windows, high fences and non-nosy neighbors make it easy."

"So what did you have in mind?" Saul asked with a shy smile on his face. Russell shrugged, pulled Saul closer and nibbled on his neck. "Oh….I see."

"I would love more of what we shared the last time." Russell implied.

"Mmm, so would I." They kissed passionately until the need to air forced the apart. Saul took another sip of his wine. "Speaking of that… I wanted to ask you about the scar I saw on the tip of your lovely penis. Did you have surgery of some sort?"

"Ahhhh, you could say that. It's the remnant of my piercing." Saul nearly choked on a grape.

"What?" Russell just smiled and nodded as he drank. "You…_you_ had a _**Prince Albert**_?"

"Yep."

"A Prince Albert! What? When?" Saul made a painful face. "_**How?**_"

"I got it back in the 80s. The boyfriend I had at the time had a tongue piercing. And I thought it would be fun."

"But how?"

"The guy we went to was a doctor. He was a piercing specialist; practically unheard of back then. Anyway, I had two options; be put to sleep or get an epidural. I didn't want to be out of it and not know what was going in. This was my penis we're talking about here so I opted for the epidural. It numbed me from the waist down and I was able to see what was going on."

"How do you recover from something like that?"

"No sex for two weeks while it healed."

"Wow. So when did you take it out?"

"About seven years ago. I didn't need it anymore. He was long gone from my life. It no longer held the same appeal for me, so I had it taken out."

"It doesn't affect anything?"

"Well, you've seen evidence of that twice. I would love to show you again." He whispered, taking their wine glasses and setting them back on the table. Then pulling Saul into a kiss, he made his intentions known. "I want to make love to you, Saul. I want to be able to make your body and heart feel something indescribable." Their tongues touched and Saul felt serious electricity. His fingers held onto Russell's shirt as the ecstasy began. "So what to you say to an afternoon of sharing kisses and caresses?" Russell nibbled on Saul's neck, gently sucking on his Adam's Apple, enjoying the vibration of the moan that followed.

"Is that all we'll share?" Saul barely whispered as he heart was skipping beats.

"No, I want to share more. But if that's all you want, that's as far as we'll go." Russell's lips travelled to the base of Saul's neck and he unbuttoned the shirt so he could go further. Making his way to the left nipple made his lover whimper. "I want to give myself to you…" He finished unbuttoning the shirt and kissed his way down to Saul's chest to his stomach. "I wanna show how much I love you, how good I wanna make you feel." Saul's fingers played in Russell's soft curly hair as his lips made their way to the other nipple.

Saul has some serious thinking to do and not a lot of time to do it in. He had not been with another man for quite a few years. He definitely hadn't had any kind of intimacy between being diagnosed and meeting Russell. A small amount of fear began to creep in. What ifs started seeping in. They had managed to be careful during mutual masturbation and oral sex, but this could be full on intercourse. Couple that with the fact that Saul felt a little inexperienced as it had been so long, and he was scared.

"Umm…Russell…I don't know about this." Russell looked up and saw the fear on Saul's face. He took Saul's hands in his and kissed them for reassurance, just as he did in the restaurant on their first date.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm…just not sure. I mean I haven't been with a man in so long and no one since my diagnosis. How can we make sure you don't get this? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you."

"Saul, sweetheart. I wouldn't go in my classroom unprepared to teach and I wouldn't be unprepared with us either. I've talked with my doctor; she gave me some great product recommendations. She gave me some safety rules. I even got a manicure yesterday," he said showing Saul his fingers, "just to make sure that I wouldn't have any hangnails. I was careful not to cut myself today while shaving."

"You've thought this out haven't you?"

"Yes I have. And I know what I'm getting into. I love you Saul; your status does not change that for me. We'll be as careful as we can be. Let's not let negativity ruin this for us."

"But what if-"

"We'll handle any what ifs, _if _and when they come along." Saul sighed; he could see that wasn't going to win this argument. He and Dr. Berry had discussed that maybe someday he would want to have a physical relationship again and how to deal with it. He was really nervous. "Now what do you say?" Those beautiful caring brown eyes of Russell's smiled a reassuring smile that Saul couldn't resist.

"Ok. But if something makes me uncomfortable…"

"Just tell me and I'll stop. Better yet, tell me what you do like." Russell replied as he removed Saul's glasses, then he removed Saul's unbuttoned shirt.

"Oh, Russell, it's been so long, I don't even remember."

"You remember what you like," has said kissing the naked chest in front of him, "you remember what makes you melt."

"Hmmm, what you're doing right now feels pretty good."

"See…" Russell said nodding. Then he stood up from the chaise and held out his hands for Saul to join him. He pulled the older man closer to him, letting his hands surround his waist and making gentle circles at the small of Saul's back. Saul began to hum with pleasure. His lips sought Russell's and he was soon lost in the kiss.

"I love you," Saul whispered.

"And I absolutely adore you." Russell's hands now cupped Saul's but putting them both in a position to feel the other's growing hardness. Russell tugged at Saul's belt and began to loosen it. "Now how about you show me where you were going to get that tattoo you thought about getting so long ago." Saul laughed as he kicked off his shoes and let his pants drop to the patio floor. He let his boxers drop then stepped out of them. Russell's mouth seemed to water. "Wow…" he whispered.

"I'm kinda skinny an-"

"You're beautiful." Russell whispered, kissing his lips.

"It doesn't look like I have a lot of-"

"You have enough of everything for me."

"Russell, I'm being ser-"

"So am I, sexy." Russell then pulled his own shirt over his head, presenting his muscles to his lover. He untied his lounge pants, letting them and his underwear drop at the same time. Saul's hands immediately when to Russell's chest, relishing the feel of them. "Come with me," he said pulling Saul over to one of the lounge spaces. He sat down and motioned for Saul to straddle him and sit on his lap.

"I haven't done this in so long. This used to be my favorite position."

"Hmm, never pictured you as a top."

"Not necessarily a top; I just liked to ride."

"Ah, I see. We'll see if it still is your favorite."

Saul placed his hands on either side of Russell's face and continued the kisses. As their tongues played, Saul couldn't stop his body from undulating at the pleasure. Russell's hands slowly caressed Saul's back and hips. Every so often, his fingers would travel to Saul's entrance and gently finger it causing him to moan into Russell's mouth. Russell reclined on a few of the pillows behind causing Saul to lean forward to continue the kisses. Saul's lips found their way down Russell's chin, then to his neck then the middle of his chest where he tenderly sucked the skin. The next stop was Russell's nipples. Russell moaned as he felt his lover's tongue slowly swipe across it followed by his lips.

Saul tasted both nipples and happily moved down to between Russell's legs, kissing and licking every inch of skin. Russell knew what was coming next but he vowed not to let it end that way. A breathless moan escaped from Russell's mouth when he felt Saul's tongue play with the tip of his penis. Then Saul took him whole in his mouth and Russell tried not to buck his hips, but it was useless. It felt too good. After a few minutes of tasting, Russell managed to get Saul to stop.

"What's the matter babe?" Saul asked as he looked up.

"Absolutely nothing."

"I don't mind finishing." Russell chuckled.

"I know but I have something else in mind." He reached under the pillow and found the lubricant he'd purchased. Squeezing some in his hand, he warmed it and began to stroke Saul's penis while kissing him. Saul closed his eyes and welcomed every single sensation he was feeling. After a few minutes, those fingers headed between Saul's legs and Russell began to prepare him. The older man dropped his head to his lover's chest, breathless as those fingers lovingly and tenderly entered.

"Russell…" was all Saul could whisper. "Ohhh…this feels so good…" Russell watched carefully to make sure that Saul wasn't uncomfortable. All indications proved that Saul loved it. The soft whimpers and moans were more music to Russell's ears than the love songs he had playing through the speakers.

"Think you can take one more?" Russell asked and Saul nodded. When the third finger inserted he could feel Saul's limbs tremble in excitement, trying to hold back an orgasm. "It's ok if you want to come now baby; I don't mind." Russell urged.

"No, I want to wait and feel you inside me." They kissed again and Russell could tell that Saul was ready. He reached under the pillow again and pulled out the box of condoms. He opened them and Saul helped him put the condom on. He wanted to make sure it was a good fit and there were no holes. Then he warmed a little lube in his hands and lubed Russell's covered penis.

"When you're ready baby, ride away." Russell held his penis steady, waiting for his lover to mount him. Saul slowly and cautiously eased himself down Russell's shaft, wincing as he did. Saul was hurting but he was determined to take Russell in as far as he could go. "Take your time baby, relax." Saul did and managed to sit completely on Russell's penis.

"Wow…you're really thick you know that?" Russell smiled, resting his hands on Saul's back as he leaned forward for a kiss.

"You're really tight and it feels so good." Russell spread his legs farther apart so he could have better footing for thrusting upward. He loosely held onto Saul's hips, prepared for whatever. He could feel Saul's muscles contract as he was trying to get used to the feel of him. Russell caressed Saul's stomach to calm him, to help him relax.

"I'm ok, you can move now." Russell slowly pulled out a little and thrust back in the same amount, loving what he was feeling. He was careful with what he was doing making sure Saul was comfortable. After a few minutes, Saul couldn't take it; he was hurting. His moans weren't entirely pleasurable ones. This was once his favorite position, but something had changed over the years and it hurt too much to continue. Noticing it, Russell stopped and before Saul could complain, Russell pulled completely out. He then patted the space next to him, indicating that he thought Saul should lie down on his back. As he did so, he felt Russell's kisses all over his body.

"Is this the spot, for the tattoo?" He asked placing a soft kiss on his right hip.

"Yes," he replied giggling a little. "Russell, you didn't have to stop. I just needed a little more time to adjust."

"Shhh…," Russell replied kissing his kips, "We've both been without for a long time and we just may have to work our way up to that position. Let's try something else first."

"I don't want you to loose your erection waiting for me to be ready."

"Are you kidding me? I have a very sexy, naked man underneath me; my erection's not going anywhere yet." Russell grabbed the lube and added little more to Saul's entrance. Maybe there wasn't enough before. He lubed the condom a little more as well. Saul's legs were spread open, waiting for Russell. He eased in and Saul immediately felt a difference. Maybe it was the lube, maybe it was the angle, maybe both. Whatever it was, it was ten times better now.

"Oh….my… god…"

"Much better isn't it?" Saul could only nod. The slow, gentle stokes of Russell's hips brought sweet moans from Saul's heart. The backs of Saul's thighs were propped by the front of Russell's and were close to being around Russell's waist. Saul fisted the sheets for a little bit before he decided to hold on to Russell's waist and eventually holding onto his back as if he was holding on for dear life.

Their kisses in between whimpers, words and moans ranged from passionate to pecks. Russell found that licking Saul's nipples while thrusting seemed to make him open up more. A few times their eyes met and the intensity drove the passion even more. Russell lifted Saul's hips a little, thrusting deeper into his lover, making his body tremble from the sensations. Sweat dampened both of their foreheads and made Russell's back a little slippery; his curly hair stuck to his forehead in places. Soon Russell could feel that his body was ready to come. He began to stroke Saul's penis, matching his thrusts. The sounds of skin slapping against skin seemed to bounce off the walls of the indoor patio.

"More…more…" Saul cried. Suddenly both sets of strokes took over Saul's body and his orgasm began to spread as a gentle fire throughout. He had never felt that sensation before. **Ever**. Thrusting his hips up to meet Russell's hand caused Russell to swipe his thumb across the head of his penis. That was all it took for Saul to erupt. His body shook, almost convulsed, and then pulled Russell into his orgasm as well. He couldn't hold back seeing his older lover nearly loose his mind from pleasure.

"Saul…baby….mmm….coming…" His final hip thrusts had his back all into it and Saul calling his name. Or trying to.

"Russ…R…Russelllllllllll…" Their bodies had finally given all they could. Panting and sweaty, Russell kissed Saul's hand then placed it over his rapidly beating heart. The smile on Saul's face was priceless.

* * *

Sex between two gay men could always be messy with lubricants, ejaculated semen and the occasional bowel accident. Russell and Saul had different circumstances. Russell wanted Saul to know that when they made love things would always be safe for the two of them.

"Russell, I can clean myself."

"I know but can you indulge me?" Russell had special wipes he used to cleanse them both. He was very careful in disposing of the condom, after making sure there weren't any holes in it. Lastly, he had made sure his hands and nails were clean from preparing Saul. After the cleaning, he brought Saul a fresh, cool glass of wine, his glasses and the snack tray.

"You spoil me too much."

"I don't see it that way." Saul propped himself up on his elbow and asked:

"You don't? Well then how do you see it?"

"Sharing with the man I love." Russell lay next to Saul and covered them with the blanket. "_This_ is awesome."

"_You're_ awesome." Saul replied with a kiss.

"No, _you_ are. Looking all sexy and beautiful in front of me."

"You make me blush Russell."

"Maybe so, but it's true. I love you and you are beautiful." His words were followed by a soft kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. See you're making me blush again!" Saul said laughing.

The lovers spent the next thirty minutes or so feeding each other, singing and kissing. Today Saul couldn't get enough of Russell's kisses. Each one felt so new and special. Soon Russell's lips found their way back to Saul's collarbone, kissing and nibbling at the flesh there. Kisses were everywhere- on lips, fingers, thighs, necks. Before long passionate whispers became passionate moans as they started making love again. This time their climaxes lulled them to sleep. They barely had a chance to clean up before eyelids began to droop. Saul nestled himself against Russell's chest as he felt Russell's arms and the blanket surround him. _**What could be better than falling asleep on my patio with the love of my life in my arms with the sound of a gentle rain in the background? **_Russell thought._** Not much else I'm guessing. **_

The low rumble of thunder brought Saul out of his dream. He actually thought it might have been a part of it but no. He was still next to Russell on his patio. He could see darker clouds far off in the distance. He yawned and stretched as much as he could without waking Russell.

"I guess we should go in before it really starts to storm out here." Saul looked at his lover.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough. Come on, we'll take everything in. You grab the snacks and wine. I'll grab the sheets and our clothes." They got up, each wrapping a blanket around their waists as they would have wrapped a towel after showering. Russell spent a few minutes closing the screen doors to the patio, just in case the winds were really bad.

* * *

Before showering, Russell checked the weather report. They had about four hours before the biggest part of the rainstorm would reach them.

"Looks like the storm will be bad." Saul said. "I don't know if I want to drive home in all that rain."

"You don't have to. You're my boyfriend, you are always welcome here. Spend the night with me."

"Russell are you sure?" Russell laughed.

"We just consummated our relationship, of course I'm sure! Now, come shower with me so we can make out under the water." They both laughed. After showering, Russell gave Saul from lounge pants and a t-shirt to wear and sleep in. Saul laughed at how long the pants were. He also wasn't used to wearing extra-large t-shirts either. Russell found him some unworn house shoes that his nieces and nephews had given him. He seemed to get two pair every single Christmas.

While they were in the kitchen deciding on what to eat, Russell made sure a lights out kit was handy. Once dinner was done, the two washed dishes and continued to talk. Russell liked how domestic they seemed together, as if Saul just belonged there with him. Russell made it up in his mind that he would get a set of keys made for his love. When he told Saul that he was welcome there, he meant it.

They spent some time watching TV; most of the local channels were covering the impending weather-, which they would check on every so often. The winds and the rumbling thunder were picking up.

"Did you ever count the storm's arrival?" Saul asked.

"Arrival? What do you mean?"

"Like in 'Swiss Family Robinson'. Surely you've seen the movie?" Russell thought about it.

"I don't think so."

"No? You should. Anyway, the parents taught the kids to count in between the rolls of thunder to see how close the storm was. The fewer the number, the closer the storm. My mother used to do that with us when we were little and afraid of the storm."

"No, I've never heard of it. Now, I have sung 'My Favorite Things' from time to time, especially when I was alone and scared."

"I think we all have." Just then, the lights flickered. They both looked up and around at the lights. "Where's the kit?"

"Right here behind us."

"Do you think they'll go out?"

"I don't know. Then wind sounds like it's really picking up." The lights flickered again and went out.

"Well, there we are." Russell reached into the kit and grabbed a flameless candle. At least they could see each other.

"Kind of romantic isn't it?" Russell asked. "The lightening actually looks kind of pretty."

"Uh, pretty scary. I don't like the shadows from the trees." Saul said.

They continued talking and counting the storm's arrival until the eye of it was right over Santa Monica. Saul kind of burrowed into Russell's side from the huge peals of thunder. After a while, the lovers were too uneasy from the storm to talk so Russell cranked up the radio in the kit. One of the local radio stations had interrupted their regular programming to do the weather updates. After checking on it, Russell put it on his school's jazz station. And sure enough, after listening for a few minutes the student DJ played "My Favorite Things" from the "The Sound of Music".

After about three hours in the dark, the lights came back on and the storm had moved on. Both men were extremely happy. While they were putting the kit away and getting ready for bed, Russell received a phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Russell, it's Bob Trapper. Everything ok on your end?" Bob was the president of their neighborhood association.

"Yes, the lights just came back on. My boyfriend's here with me and we're good. And you?"

"We're good. I'm just calling everyone first to see if there are any emergencies and secondly to let everyone know that the tree in Mrs. Winter's yard is blocking the way onto the cove."

"The big oak tree?"

"Yeah, that one."

"That's a shame; it was one beautiful tree."

"I know. I'm hoping there are no emergencies because no one can get to us over that tree right now. It almost crushed the Campbell's garage. Looks like it missed it by about six feet. I've already called my brother to see if he can help us tomorrow. So they will here as early as they can. He'll give us the bill after they're done."

"So it will be taken out of our fees?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, I'll agree to that. Thanks for checking on us Bob."

"Alright Russell, you guys have a good night."

"Thanks." Russell hung up the phone and before he could tell Saul what was going on, his phone rang. It was Kevin.

"Uncle Saul where are you?"

"I'm with Russell. I didn't want to drive home through the rain, so he invited me to spend the night. The lights just came back on. Why?"

"Mrs. Karr called me when she didn't get an answer at your apartment. The lights were out and they were checking on everyone. And they think there is a flood in the basement that might be affecting one of the elevators."

"Thanks for letting me know. I'll call her and let her know I'm ok. Don't worry about me Kevin; I'm in good hands here."

"You sure?" Saul looked over at Russell and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Twenty minutes later found the couple settling in bed for the night. There was just a light drizzle of rain outside which was going to make for a much quieter night. Saul had taken his meds and was ready for bed. He laid his glasses on the nightstand and watched as Russell climbed into bed next to him. He turned off the lights and they snuggled close together. Russell's arms enveloped Saul from behind in the spoon position. He kissed the back of Saul's neck. Saul couldn't stop his smile.

"I'm so glad you're here with me. Good night my darling."

"Good night my sweet."


End file.
